Prayer on the Occasion of Utter Boredom in Church

O Lord, this service is so dull that I think I must be dead. But if it be, Lord, by your grace and favour, that I am not in fact dead - merely stunned into mind-numbing oblivion by the overall tedium and general inconsequentiality of the proceeedings - grant your servant this: grant that the Vicar [Pastor] becomes 'called up yonder' to that 'place which you have prepared for him' right away ... if that be not too forward a request, of course. Amen.

(from 101 Things To Do with a Dull Church: The Complete Guide For The Bored-Again Christian - Martin Wroe & Adrian Reith)