I asked on a newsgroup:

'Can someone who's sensitive because they're still working through past pain simply "get over it" 'cos someone says "get over it"'?

One responded:

NO!!! It is the worst thing to say to someone in that situation. They can't "get over it" even if they want to. Let them talk and vent. Enter into dialogue with them. Validate their feelings. Someone is sure to vomit some bible verses to prove me wrong but it is plain psychological truth. As a victim I have suffered from post traumatic stress disorder. You have to have experienced it to truly understand. Those who have experienced it have empathy one with another just as Paul states in 2 Corinthians 1:4-9.

And another:

After suffering years of abuse - even a short span of time - one must go through a grieving process when they are released from it. Why? Because the abusive situation they lived in, for no matter how long, somehow became a support - there were strong ties to the abuser(s) and these ties are suddenly broken.

In terms of being released from an abusive cult situation, for example, the process is called "deprogramming," and for good reason; the person

has suffered some of the most extreme mental abuse ever. In the case of a domestic abuse situation, the process is called "getting out," and it's no worse than going through deprogramming; both situations warrant extreme care on the part of the people doing the assisting. Women's shelters have it partly right; the woman leaving an abusive relationship is often "co-dependant," and what they don't realize is that often the

abusive partner uses some of the same tactics of mental manipulation that cults use.

Whatever the abusive situation a person is getting out of, they need time to first grieve, then time to work out the anger and strong sense

of betrayal. YES, JESUS is the best healer - sometimes, however, the abused person has to relearn how to trust again - and that includes rediscovering their trust in the Lord.

Time. Not "get over it." But time. And people who care. And people who can be a support system, for oftentimes the person getting out of an abusive situation is somewhat addicted; they need time to recover from

that addiction, time to work through their grief and anger, time to reclaim the lost weeks, months, or years they spent within that abusive situation, time to build trust, time to learn how to be interdependant

without being codependant, time to learn how to love again.