Ramblings of a Retired Mind -

- I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener.

- You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

- I was thinking about old age and decided that it is ‘when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it’.

- I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it “Pumping Rust.”

- I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

- I know, when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

- Employment application blanks always ask ‘who is to be notified in case of an emergency.’ I think you should write, “A Good Doctor!”

- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do — write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

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