Compulsory reading for all thoughtful Christians: Landover Baptist Church (‘Where the Worthwhile Worship and the Unsaved are Unwelcome’ – http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ )

E.G.:

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Thank you for not killing me today

Dear Lord, I know that I am worthless and a constant source of irritation to you. Thank you for not killing me today and flinging my limp corpse into the flames of the sadistic Hell you created. As a True Christian, I love you with all my heart, convenience permitting, and am only glad your nasty temper was not turned on me today.

Lord Jesus, I know that your love is unconditional. All you ask is that I do everything you demand ­ and flatter you regularly and without shame or regard to the mess you make of everything you try to create.

Even though you made some noise about giving away all our possessions to the poor, please guide your Republican party to effect that which you most desire ­ tax cuts for folks rich enough to tithe.

In this I pray,

Your humble servant,

Oh, and while I have you, Jesus, I really want me one of them new Lexus two door automobiles. So please call on me to withdraw sufficient funds from the tax-free coffers of Landover Baptist Church’s offshore accounts so that you may bless me with the leather upgrade and onboard navigation.

AMEN!

[Prayer delivered to the non-believers at the "Godless March On Washington" event on Nov. 2, 2002, by Pastor Deacon Fred from the Landover Baptist Church]

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