TODAYS RIDDLE

A schoolteacher uses a five hour hourglass to keep track of class time. One day, he sets the hourglass at 9 a.m. and while he is teaching his class, a student inadvertently inverts the hourglass. Another student, who notices this, sets the hourglass to its initial position at 11:30 am. In this way, the class ends at 3 PM. At what time did the first student invert the hourglass.

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After being inverted twice, the hourglass continued working in its initial position. Therefore, the extra hour that it measured was a consequence of these two inversions, half an hour for each time. If it was inverted for the second time at 11:30, the first time had to be a half hour earlier, at 11:00.

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Wondering why my niece was returning to college to get a masters in philosophy, I asked "What can you do with a degree like that?"

"Well," she explained "It will qualify me to deal with questions like 'What is existence?' What is the essence of things.' and 'Do you want fries with that?"

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Brand new 2004 edition of "You know you're a redneck when..."

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You! go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements.

28. You 've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

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It was our pals birthday, so we decided to call him up and sing "Happy Birthday."

Only trouble was we dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you." said the voice on the other end, just before he hung up, "You need all the practice you can get."

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The three times most people are in church are when they're hatched, matched and dispatched _______________

Are there any doctors left in India? _______________

By the time you have money to burn, the fire has gone out _______________

God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do. _______________

A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure _______________

I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too. _______________

If it is to be, it is up to me! (10 most important 2 letter words)

_______________

Charles Schultz became wealthy working for peanuts.

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