Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver... "Say, is this really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

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Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

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The way to make the cold winter go by quickly is to sign a note in October that becomes due in six months.

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A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

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A Joint Military Exercise

An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a tent while on a military exercise, and the conversation turned towards how well fed each of them was.

"In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian.

"Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day."

"That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day".

At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat so much cabbage."

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SCOTLAND V ENGLAND

Donald MacDonald from the Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

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If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? ----- Vince Lombardi