TODAYS RIDDLE:

What was the biggest island in the world before the discovery of Australia by Captain Cook?

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Australia was always the biggest island in the world, even before it was discovered

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Having A Child Makes One A Parent - Having Two Makes You A Referee

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Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just as a storm struck with non-stop lightning and crashing thunder. As I entered my bedroom at about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. The plane was late, and there were hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers, also.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running, shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

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An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4 yr. old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!'

Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

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A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Brown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was inappropriate, and that she should say, "I am Jane Brown."

When the Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Brown's daughter?" she replied, "I thought I was, but my mother says I'm not."

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You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

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Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"

"Jes' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"

"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!"

"OK. Ummmmm...five?"

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A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says,

"But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."

"Just bring me a size eight."

The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says,

"I've lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 11, and my son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."

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When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...

IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day. AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet. AT WORK........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out. AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic. AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes. AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

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A Gift Idea for Your Children & Grandchildren

http://www.gift4grandchildren.com

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