TODAYS RIDDLE:

At a local bar, three friends, Mr. Green, Mr. Red and Mr. Blue, were having a drink. One man was wearing a red suit; one a green suit; and the other a blue suit. "Have you noticed," said the man the blue suit, "that although our suits have colors corresponding to our names, not one of us is wearing a suit that matches our own names?" Mr. Red looked at the other two and said, "You're absolutely correct."

What color suit is each man wearing?

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Since none of the men are wearing the color of suit that corresponds to their names, and Mr. Red was replying to the man in the blue suit, it had to be Mr. Green to whom he replied. We then know that Mr.Green is wearing a blue suit. Therefore, Mr. Red is wearing a green suit and Mr.Blue is wearing a red suit.

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Remember, once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me .... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!

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"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis,rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."

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A BEAR

I want to be a bear......

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...... I want to be a bear!

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"I'm getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend, Bill. "My wife hasn't spoken to me for six months."

Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you're doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find."

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Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will say nothing about the one you're interested in . . . and discuss the other. ________________

Medicare now covers Viagra. It does not, however, cover women's birth control pills.

Now tell me who makes the laws in this country. ________________

Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?

A: "No, she isn't!" ________________

People who cough incessantly never seen to go to the doctor. They go to banquets, concerts, and church. _______________

People go on vacation to forget things. When they open their bags they found out they did. _______________

Behind every successful man stands a woman and the IRS. One takes the credit, the other takes the cash. _______________

Doctor to patient: "How's your son doing? Is he one of the bright young men in this area who is going to college on a scholarship?"

Patient: "No. He's going to college on a second mortgage." _________________

"Hard to believe it's February. The Super Bowl is over. The football season is over.

You know what that means guys!

It's time to take down those Christmas lights."

..... Jay Leno