No to Violence

Abusive/Violent Behaviour and You

Chapter One:

What's going on in your life right now?

"You've had an argument and you've dropped your bundle. Everything seems to be out of control. You lose your temper and take it out on whoever is around. Perhaps you smash some furniture, punch a hole in the wall, throw the TV into the yard. Maybe you hit somebody - your child or your partner. After a few drinks you lay into her again........."

Chapter Two:

What exactly is family violence, abuse?

"At the start of counselling or a men's group, most men say they are having a problem in controlling their anger. They say they have a 'short fuse' and talk about how they over-react to frustration and stress.........."

Chapter Three:

How does it happen?

"There is more risk of violence to women in the family home than in any tough neighbourhood or pub. Often this violence occurs regularly: a Victorian phone-in survey in 1982 found that 63% of victims were physically abused at least once every month, 28% weekly and 20% daily. .........."

Chapter Four:

Men, sex, and masculinity?

"Have you ever thought about the connections between how you see yourself as a man, how you see women and how you see your sexual relationship? .........."

Chapter Five:

What is it like for women?

"You may wonder why nobody knows what is happening in your home and how you've been getting away with it for so long. You may even sometimes wish someone would do something about it. Your partner is probably too embarrassed, shamed, humiliated and scared to tell anyone. If she did tell she would be betraying you and your family. The community you live in wants her to keep the secret, because "your home is your castle" and "what happens in your home is your business"... .........."

Chapter Six:

What's going on for your partner?

"This book is not for your partner, or about her. It's for you and about your violent, abusive and hurtful behaviour. We often fall into extreme views about our partners when we are under stress and this behaviour can stop us looking at ourselves and what's really happening to those around us. This chapter is therefore about what happens to her during a crisis..........."

Chapter Seven:

Consequences of family violence

"So far we have talked about where you are right now and what might be happening in your life. You have various options and you can make choices about what happens. The second half of our book talks about that and what courses of action you might decide to take............"

Chapter Eight:

MAD or BAD. You're more in control than you think.

"We have all come across the idea that angry or violent men are either MAD or BAD. Our society reinforces this idea with phrases like, "I got MAD at the kids today, because they ..." or "You're a BAD boy Johnny, you shouldn't have hit your sister." ........."

Chapter Nine:

Alcohol and violence

"We begin this chapter by acknowledging that many people in our society use social drugs, such as alcohol and other substances, either as a form of relaxation or to obtain temporary relief from problems.....This chapter is about the impact of alcohol in difficult family situations where violence and abuse may be occurring. .........."

Chapter Ten:

Getting help to change

"Getting help to change the way you behave is not easy. Because of this it is probably worth saying a little bit about how hard it is to get help, or you may not 'hang in there' long enough to do any good. .........."

Chapter Eleven:

Groups for men. What can the do?

" "When I first started this course I was a little reserved and held back, but as the weeks progressed I learnt to relax and was able to interact with the others more freely. It has changed my life in many ways and I have found my true self and my own self-esteem." (Russell)........."

Chapter Twelve:

What if she leaves anyway?

"So it's happened. She's gone. Perhaps she told you, then left. Perhaps she didn't tell you and you came home to a note on the kitchen table. Perhaps she didn't even do that - she just went. Perhaps you know where she is. Perhaps you don't. .........."

Chapter Thirteen:

What's going on for your partner?

"So you are faced with great pressure AND great motivation to change. This usually causes one of two reactions: 1. "I don't like it. I'm scared. Turn the clock back. I want to know things are permanent." 2. "This is exciting and positive."..........."

Chapter Fourteen:

The children

"Children, no matter what age, are always affected if there is violence or abuse between their parents. Even if they are too small to talk about it, or if they didn't actually see it and only heard raised voices, screaming, crying or breaking crockery, they will be seriously affected. Even if they only sensed their mother's pain or fear, or their dad's anger and violence, they will be affected. ............"

Chapter Fifteen:

Mirrors, Windows & Doors: A Folktale for Modern Men

"Once upon a time, in a far away magical country, there lived a man. This man was a very violent, angry and abusive man. He was such a difficult person to be with that, sooner or later, people became fed up with him and would drift away. Even his wife and children eventually ran away and he was left alone. ............"

More.... http://www.ntv.net.au/ntv_three1.htm