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TODAYS RIDDLE:
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Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I?

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A ton.
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Polish Eye Exam!

A man from Poland goes to the optometrist who
shows the Pole a card with the letters,
C Z W X N Q S T A C Z Y.
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"Can you read this?" the optometrist asks.
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"Read it?" the Pole replies, "not only can I read it
but I know that guy!"
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My mother, who is almost totally blind, was waiting
to cross a major intersection.
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She stood patiently at the curb, too proud to ask
someone to take her across, yet too afraid to
attempt the journey by herself. She hoped
someone would notice the folded white cane in
her hand.
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Finally, a gentleman touched her hand and asked
if she'd mind him taking her arm to cross the street.
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At the other side, the gentleman sighed with relief
and said: "Thank you very much, Miss.
I'm blind and am grateful for your assistance."
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The teacher asked, "What is actually used as a conductor
of electricity?
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Little Johnny?" Little Johnny stammered, "Why...er?"
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The teacher smiled and said, "Wire is right. Very good little
Johnny. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?"
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Little Johnny asked, "The what?" His teacher was very
pleased, saying, "That's absolutely correct----- the watt.
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Now, class, you should all take the time to study as diligently
as Little Johnny does."
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I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups
each morning.
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That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit
that snooze button so many times.
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Quips:
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When I was in the military they gave me a medal
for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.
__________________

Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating
their 60th anniversary, buy them something they
will use right away.
__________________

If all the cars in the United States were placed
end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
__________________

Imagine America's strength, if our politicians were
interested in our nation instead of their party.
__________________

There's a machine out now that can tell when a man's
lying . . . and he knows. He married one.
__________________

Don't tell your bride-to-be that you're not worthy of her.
Let it be a surprise.
__________________

If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
__________________

What will happen to work when the trend toward longer
education meets the trend toward earlier retirement?
________________

I just saw the animals in my neighborhood lining up
two by two. Should I be worried?
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V.P.Dick Cheney went to GW University Hospital
and got a colonoscopy.

The doctor said his colon is fine, but his esophagus
is inflamed.

Let me tell you something, if you finish a colonoscopy
and you have a sore throat, that is a very thorough exam.
..... Jay Leno
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The error in this URL has been corrected.
If you've tried to connect and couldn't, please try again.
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http://www.gift4grandchildren.com
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http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline
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If you would like to be included on my "Clean Humor"
list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with
"=Include Me=" as the subject. I do not write the jokes.
I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is
good for the immune system.
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