* A lady was looking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked one of the staff “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” He replied, “No madam, they’re dead.”

*A policeman got out of his car and the lad who he’d stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the policeman said. The lad replied, “Well I got here as fast as I could.” When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

* A truck driver was driving along on the motorway. A “Low Bridge Ahead” sign comes up but before he knows it, the bridge is ahead of him and he gets stuck underneath. Traffic is tailed back for miles. Finally, the police arrive. The policeman gets out of his car and walks to the driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck then?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol.”

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