In a world where “right and wrong” often seem hard to define, what’s important to think about with regards to homosexuality and sexual orientation?

Through the years as I’ve visited with people about their thoughts about sexual orientation and the church, one thing has struck me over and over. Often our feelings about the rightness or wrongness of homosexuality are deeply influenced by our earliest personal experience with someone we identified as being gay. If that experience was a positive one, most of us tend to favor inclusion of gay people in the life of the church and society. If that experience was a negative one, full inclusion can feel like a threatening prospect. That’s not universal, but it has been true for me.

I grew up inheriting the values of my Mississippi upbringing. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” was a moderately benevolent way of understanding that sexual intimacy was only appropriate between a married man and woman. From my childhood into early adulthood, I never really knew someone who was gay.

The first openly gay person I ever met was a priest from the diocese of New York who visited with our first-year seminary class. John told his rather compelling story of trying to be like other people at the cost of being himself. During the discussion period that followed his talk, I pointed my finger at him as I remonstrated, “But don’t you know, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.” I’ll never forget the next few seconds. John looked straight at me with very clear eyes, and with a voice of absolute conviction he said, “YES! My body IS the temple of the Holy Spirit.” His response was a complete anomaly to me. Little did I know he had started an earthquake inside me.

I held my own in the subsequent student bull sessions. But something about the integrity of his answer stuck with me. It was about nine months later when I was working for the summer in a hospital clinical training program that things shifted mightily for me. I was with a group of seven other seminarians doing pastoral work in the hospital and participating in morning seminars to foster our skills. It was a remarkably talented group. I felt privileged to be with them. As we progressed, one person emerged as a natural leader and pastor. Tim had wisdom, theological grounding and a pastor’s spirit. He was the kind of person I would want for my priest and earned our respect as probably the most gifted among us.

About five weeks into the summer, we walked into the hospital one Monday morning. Tim’s receding hairline shone with a new sunburn. The New York Gay Pride parade had walked Fifth Avenue that weekend, so we joked him, “Where’d you get the burn? Marching down Fifth Avenue?” With a gentle grin he shook his shoulders, “Why, yes.” We stopped in our tracks, mouths dropping. “You’re not…” “As a matter of fact, I am.”

For the next six weeks Tim gave us a great gift. He let us ask him every stupid question a bunch of straight guys could ever want to ask. Our supervisor let us do some serious study about sexuality and homosexuality. Our minds were changed.

Among us, different people found different kinds of new information important to us. It was important to me to learn that sexual orientation is not a choice. There is evidence pointing to a genetic origin; there is some other evidence of environmental influences. But science was pretty clear that our sexual orientation is set at an early age, before age three. The other information that seemed important to me at the time was evidence that gay people are just as sane and normal (or crazy) as the general population. They are not somehow inferior, immature, or unfinished.

My friend from Pennsylvania couldn’t care less about the science. The important point for him was looking at the scripture again and seeing that there is nothing that truly addresses sexual orientation, but that there are major Biblical themes about liberation from bondage and about faithfulness in relationships. My friend from Maine said none of that stuff was what mattered. He believed in Tim. Tim was authentic; Tim was good; Tim was a holy person. That was enough for him. All of us came to the same conclusion traveling down different paths — gay and lesbian people should be held to the same ethical standards as the rest of us and should be fully included in the life of the church and society.

I feel lucky that the first two people I met whom I could identify as being gay or lesbian were fine people whom I respected. That influenced the process of my reflection on my inherited beliefs. I also feel fortunate that I was able to carry out that process of discovery in an open, patient environment.

Would I feel the same if my first experience had been a traumatic or frightening one? I don’t know. We all bring our experience to our judgment. I do hope for all of my friends the opportunity to know people like John and Tim and the chance to be in an open, patient environment to think about community and our relationships.

The Rev. Lowell Grisham> This issue is so painful and so divisive that is to difficult to address without being offensive to everyone involved. The core issue is whether or not homosexual acts are acceptable in the sight of God. If you think homosexuality is acceptable, then you will be offended by someone who thinks that it is not. The very premise that something is “wrong” with homosexual acts will be offensive to you. On the other hand, if you think that homosexuality is inconsistent with God’s Will, you will be offended that someone who disagrees might label you as intolerant.

As with most of our church, I have struggled with this issue. I wish I had a different opinion because everything would be so much easier. At this point in my own understanding, I cannot reconcile what seem to me to be clear teachings in scripture against homosexuality and the Episcopal Church’s recent advocacy of homosexual behavior by confirming an openly gay bishop. This opinion will probably be offensive to my friends who are homosexual or who have a different opinion from my own.

Tolerance is one of the hallmarks of the Episcopal Church and it is one of the many reasons that I feel at home there. Tolerance is not the same thing as advocacy. There is all the difference in the world in embracing a struggling sinner who is journeying from darkness into light and in becoming an advocate for their actions.

I know many deeply spiritual, committed Christians who are gay. I truly love them as brothers and sisters in Christ. I am strengthened by our shared community of faith. I also care for them too much to advocate behavior that is condemned in Holy Scripture. God knows, I condemn my own shortcomings and I struggle every day to overcome them through my faith in Christ. The beauty of the Christian faith is that struggle actually works because Christ does for us what we cannot do. However, we must call on Him to help us. If we insist that we are not doing anything wrong then how can He help us?

I love the Episcopal Church and the broader worldwide Anglican Communion of which it is a part. I think the Episcopal Church has made an enormous error in this matter. Virtually all of the worldwide Anglican Communion agrees that it has as well. It is not the first time, nor will it be the last. We are part of a fallible human institution that is struggling to discern God’s will.

Despite my disappointment, what unites us is greater than what divides us. We worship a merciful God. I think He cares more that we sincerely seek Him than if we agree on doctrine. My prayer is that these disagreements will not interfere with the more important work of bringing about God’s kingdom on this earth. Let us disagree with each other with love, compassion, and understanding and seek God together through our shared faith in Christ.

– Nick

As with many controversial issues, I can only speak for myself. While many Christians may have problems with various aspects of homosexuality, I believe that the overriding theological perspective is one that was so inspiring as former Presiding Bishop Edmund Browning’s “signature line”: “there are no outcasts.” For me, that is the headline and the bottom line to the life of a Christian. Not one of us has the authority or the unblemished life with which to declare that someone else ought to be left out of anything.

In addition to that theological perspective on the question, I have to add that I have had the joy of meeting and getting to know a number of “gay” couples, who have just been a blessing in my life as dear friends. I have also observed them to be faithful to all their commitments and in some cases, outstanding leaders in the Church community.

I was brought up as part of a generation who believed what we heard: that homosexuality is “other,” “wrong,” etc. I have learned that homosexual orientation is, in most cases, a “given” at birth and that it is possible for “gay couples” to live monogamous, productive lives of dignity and as good examples of what it means to be human. As much as my roots grew in what probably was a homophobic culture (although now that I think of it, my family had a number of gay friends in the 40′s and 50′s, whom they loved), I will not be part of pointing fingers at any group, gay or otherwise.

May God make peace and community our overriding yearnings in all things.

–The Rev. William A. Kolb

In the case of the Episcopal Church confirming an openly gay bishop, someone is right and someone is wrong. There is no middle ground. It will take a lot of time, a lot of prayer and a lot of mutual respect to sort through the issue of homosexuality advocacy. The worst thing we could do is allow this issue to distract us from the core mission of the church – that is, building up the faith of its members and spreading the good news of hope that is in our Lord, Christ.

What I regret is not so much the decision to recognize an openly gay bishop itself but the distraction from this core mission. It seems to me that too many people are willing to sacrifice the greater good of the church for a principle where reasonable, faithful people can disagree. The church and its members are not prepared theologically to make such a momentous decision. There is too much disagreement, confusion, and division.

Despite my personal feelings over this issue, the Episcopal Church and the Worldwide Anglican Communion, of which it is a part, remains, for me, a rich spiritual resource that has much to offer its members and the world. My prayer is that the Episcopal Church will put God first as we sort through these divisive issues. We must be led through the Holy Spirit and not by our egos. If we put Him first, everything else will fall into place in accordance with His will.

– Patrick

As a physician, I have had the privilege of taking care of many persons who are sexually attracted to members of their own gender. In discussing their orientation with them, I have become convinced that gender orientation is not a matter of choice, but is somehow a natural part of that person. Therefore, not being a matter of choice, it is not ethically acceptable to discriminate against homosexual persons. (The theory of justice holds that one may not discriminate against persons for things they did not choose, such as their gender or their race.)

In addition, I believe that Jesus teaches us to love and respect all people, and to accept them as full members of the church. Now the church is greatly agitated over the questions of same-sex marriage and ordination of gay and lesbian clergy. It therefore seems necessary to me for us to continue to develop ways to allow persons to form stable relationships (families) based on mutual love, respect, and commitment to each other, such relationships being blessed and supported by their faith communities. So I think we need to work toward a way to sacramentally bless these unions.

The question of ordination is another difficult matter. Clearly, the church ought not to select clergy persons who practice illegal, immoral, or greatly disruptive practices. But does a person’s private (or even publicly known) gender orientation affect his or her ability to function as a bishop, priest, or deacon? Should the church be a leader in change? Should the prejudices of congregations override the call of Christ to be inclusive and accepting and loving of others? It is my personal, and therefore only my own opinion, that the ability of clergy to lead the church, administer the sacraments, counsel sinners, and lead holy lives ought not to be decided solely by gender orientation or sexual preference.

Let us rather attempt to live according to the Lord’s last command to us: “Love one another as I have loved you.” To me, this means to include rather than exclude; to accept rather than reject; to seek to understand rather than to judge.

–Tom

As a cradle Episcopalian, I have seen many changes in the church–changes in the prayer book, in the hymnal, in congregations, in the clergy–but there is one thing that has not changed. The church remains constant in teaching the two great commandments of loving the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul and in loving your neighbor as yourself. These commandments don’t ask us to love only our white neighbor, or our heterosexual neighbor, or our neighbor who thinks as we do.

–Nannie

http://www.explorefaith.org/questions/accepting.html

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