CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE WITH A DIFFERENCE.

Ingredients::::

1 cup of water. 1 tsp. baking powder. 1 cup brown sugar. Lemon juice. 4 large eggs. Lots of nuts. 1 bottle vodka. 2 cups dried fruit.

Method:::

Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take a large bowl; check the vodka again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still OK.

Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixer.

Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick up the dried fruit from off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaters pry it loose with the sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check to tosisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a damn.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you find.

Greash the oven, turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.