TODAYS RIDDLE:
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Once there was a night watchman who had been
caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss
issued the final warning. On the next night he was
caught with his head on his hand and his elbows
on the desk.
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"Aha, I've caught you again," exclaimed the boss.
The watchman's eyes popped open immediately
and he knew what had happened. Being a quick
thinking man, he said one word before looking
up at the boss. The boss apologized profusely and
went home. What was the one word?
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The one word was "AMEN", thus making the Boss
believe he was praying rather than sleeping.
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A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant.
The husband kept looking over at a nearby table
where a lady sat in a drunken stupor.
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The wife asks "I notice you've been watching that
lady for some time now. Do you know her?"
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"Yes" he replies, "she's my ex-wife, and has been
drinking like that since I left her seven years ago."
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"That's unbelievable" the wife replies, "I wouldn't
think anybody could celebrate that long."
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Smart Blond Joke:
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like
to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap,
so she politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists
and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
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He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
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Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
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The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $500."
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This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment, agrees to the game.
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The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?"
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The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out
a $5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
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"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
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She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four legs?"
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The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with
his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress
... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers but to no avail.
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After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The
blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
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The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and
asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
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Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the
lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told,
"You are going to meet a beautiful young woman
who will want to know everything about you."
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The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party,
or what?"
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"No," said the psychic, "Next term, in her biology class".
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I arrived early at the office one morning and noticed
that someone had left the lid to the copy machine open.
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I closed the lid and settled in for the workday. Over the
next few weeks I found someone was continually leaving
the lid up.
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Finally I caught the guilty party, surprised that I hadn't
figured it out before. The culprit was Richard, the only
male on our staff.
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A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community
and invited him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems
that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy, and told
the preacher that he would attend his church IF the pastor
would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front
of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.
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Sunday morning the man visited the church. The preacher
recognized the man from the pulpit and said:
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"I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to
thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially
for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given."