Clerk in flower shop: “Sorry, we don’t have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets?”
.
Customer (sadly): “No, it was geraniums my wife
told me to water while she was gone.”
.
==========================
.
A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to
keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept
talking about chickens being great creatures, and
as such they had the right to go where they wanted.
.
The man was having no luck keeping the chickens
out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything.
Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his
flower beds were doing great. The flowers were
beginning to bloom.
.
So the friend asked him how he managed to keep
the birds away. “How did you make your neighbor
keep his hens in his own yard?”
.
“One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush
by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor
see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that.”
.
==========================
.
Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said,
“My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he
hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.”
.
The other woman said, “Well, my son is a saint himself. Not
only hasn’t he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he
hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”
.
“My word,” the first mother said. “You must be so proud.”
.
“I am,” the second mother replied. “And when he’s paroled next
month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”
.
==========================
.
One day, three lawyers each purchased a train ticket.
Next in line were three engineers who purchased only
one train ticket.
.
Confused, the lawyers asked the engineers, “Why did
you only purchase one ticket when there are three of you?”
.
One of the engineers replied, “Just watch and you will see!”
.
As they boarded the train, the three engineers headed
straight for the bathroom where all three crowded in.
Shortly after the train got going, the conductor came through
asking for tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said,
“Tickets, please!”
.
One of the engineers opened the door a crack and handed
out the ticket. Amazed at this, the lawyers decided that on
the way back they would do the same.
.
On the trip back the three lawyers went up and purchased
only one train ticket but noticed that the engineers didn’t
purchase any. Confused again, the lawyers asked,
“Why didn’t you buy a ticket for the return trip?”
.
One of the engineers replied, “Just watch and you will see!”
.
” As they boarded the train the three lawyers headed straight
for the bathroom where all three crowded in. Shortly after the
train got going, one of the engineers knocked on the bathroom
door and said, “Tickets, please!”
.
==========================
.
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told
his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved
enough money to buy what we started saving for in
1979.”
.
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
.
“No,” replied the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.”

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