AGEING DISGRACEFULLY

A very elderly gentleman, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is a charming elderly lady,

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”

<><><><><><><>

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back to the doctor a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

<><><><><><><>

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a new-born baby.”

“Really, Like a new-born baby!?”

“Yep, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

<><><><><><><>

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that’s red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

<><><><><><><>

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

Related Articles:

• Police officer chased ‘himself’ for 20 minutes
• Humo[u]r
• Humo[u]r
• ATHEIST HOLY DAY :-)
• Humo[u]r (corny :-)

This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.