A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice." . Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, "You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!" . Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!" . ========================== . A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. . The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." . The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." . ========================== . After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. . The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister. . "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him." . ========================== . Ed and Doug were hiking through Yellowstone National Park. They rounded a curve and came face to face with a huge grizzly bear with cubs about a hundred yards away. . The bear charged. . Doug immediately sat down, pulled his tennis shoes out of his pack, and began putting them on. . Ed said, " You're crazy! You can't outrun that bear!" . Doug turns to Ed and says, "I don't need to outrun the bear. All I need to do is outrun *you*!" . ========================== . A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. "Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.