One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." . ========================== . America and Israel struck a deal to bolster each others Armies. The Israelis said they would like to exchange three generals for three generals.

The Americans agreed, stating they wanted an IDF General to teach tactics, an armor General to teach desert warfare, and a Mossad General to teach espionage.

The Israelis replied and said they wanted General Electric, General Motors, and General Dynamics. . ========================== . My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."

"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.

Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car. . ========================== . A REPEAT OLDIE FROM THE ARCHIVES :

A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you, we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers.

So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose.

Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"

"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded. "When did this happen?"

"About two minutes ago," came the reply. . ========================== . A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time."