Celia Bowring, 'We're in this Together', Authentic Media, 2006.


Here's a book waiting to be written - a practical handbook 'about, by and for women who are married to Christian leaders.' Celia is one of those - for many years she coordinated a national leaders' wives' network in the U.K.


Pastors'/leaders' wives' roles have been changing over the last 30 years. Many are themselves 'ordained'; some have significant up-front responsibilities; most are no longer simply 'the vicar's wife' but have their own careers, interests and ministries.


But 'other people's expectations' are sometimes 'quite amazing'! Some aspects don't change: like the pesky habit people have of getting a message to the minister via his wife. Or criticizing their kids ('I'm surprised, and he's the vicar's son!').


All of them face the challenge of juggling many priorities.


And they are all 'unsung heroines'. Often they're the invisible partner: someone is introduced to the couple, but in the conversation that follows it seems to be assumed that the only person of importance is the pastor-husband.


The suggestions are very practical: take a day off, don't feel guilty when you relax, learn to say 'no', buy an answer-phone, protect your privacy even if the church owns the manse, sometimes make time for intimacy during the day. Even do something novel like buying a fish-tank! Especially: 'Be yourself!'


An excellent chapter suggests how to juggle priorities - relationships, job, caring for family, non-negotiable commitments (and 'multi-tasking').


There are lots of quotes and anecdotes from real pastors'/leaders' wives. Some of the conventional wisdom (like 'It's better to burn out rather than rust out') is challenged. Celia is realistic: not every couple will find praying together easy.


The book ends with a wise letter from a bishop to a young woman just engaged to a curate: 'So you're going to join the uncanonised saints! Many congratulations. You'll have to cope with the world, the flesh and the parish, and at times you'll want to murder the lot. But remember you're marrying Brian, not "The Reverend" Brian. So love him and laugh at him. Sincerely, George Guildford.'


Appendix 1 shares the results of a survey returned by 458 wives of Christian leaders; Appendix 2 tells us how to put on a local event for fellow pastors' wives; and Appendix 3 is the well-known Holmes/Rahe Stress Test.


As I write it's 'Clergy Appreciation Month': but let us also remember the one who stands alongside your pastor/leader: buy her this book and support and pray for her regularly.


Rowland Croucher (who is both a pastor's spouse and who is also married to one!)



October 2006


Review copy from Ridley College Bookshop http://bookshop.ridley.unimelb.edu.au/bookweb/