A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." . "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." . The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. . ========================== . A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. . "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. . "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the man. . The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. . "Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," he says. . ========================== . Little Johnny was walking down the beach when he spied a matronly woman sitting on the sand under a beach umbrella. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?" . "Yes," she replied. . "Do you read your Bible every day?" . She nodded her head, "Yes." . "Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes." . With that, he asked his final question, "Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?" . ========================== . Sheila and George were spending the first night of their honeymoon in a quaint medieval town in France. To add piquancy to the evening, Sheila suggested coyly that they make love every time the old night watchman rang his hourly bell. .

George smiled in delight at this prospect, but four rings later he pretended that he had to go out to get some cigarettes and staggered off to the watchman's tower. . "Listen, old man," he wheezed to that worthy, "Do me a favor, will you? For the rest of the night, ring that bell of yours at two-hour intervals instead of hourly!" . "Ah," replied the ancient watchman, fingering his mustache, "I would be happy to oblige, monsieur, but I cannot do this." . "Why not?" George demanded. "I'll give you money, if that's what's troubling you!" . "Not at all," the old man responded. "You see, a beautiful young lady has already bribed me to ring the bell every half hour." . ========================== . An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?" . "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?" . "That's my business! Get me the course!" . Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. . Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died?" . In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."