One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring.

After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker's defense.

"Sir...Do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office???" . ========================== . A man brags to a friend about his new high-tech hearing aid.

"It's the most expensive one I've ever had--it cost me $3,500!"

His friend asks, "What kind is it?"

The braggart says, "Half past four." . ========================== . One-Liners :

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Classical music was written by famous dead foreigners.

Banks have two things I love - money and holidays

Clairvoyants convention cancelled due to unforseen circumstances.

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?

Profanity: The linguistic crutch of inarticulate jerks.

Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

"A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!"

"It's astonishing how politicians never say anything, yet always insist they're being misquoted!"

My wife will buy anything marked down. Yesterday she came home with an escalator. ----- Henny Youngman . ========================== . "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, I do" came the employee's reply. "Why?"

"Well, that makes everything just fine then. See, when you left early yesterday to attend your grandmother's funeral service, she happened to stop by to see you." . ========================== . At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.

"Oh, excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"

"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"