If biblical events were being covered by today's media...

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On Red Sea crossing:

WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE

Enforcement Officials Killed While Pursuing Unruly Mob

On David vs. Goliath:

HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION OF RELIEF TROOPS

Psychologist Questions Significance of Rock Used as Weapon

On the prophet Elijah on Mt. Carmel:

FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS ACTIVIST INTO FRENZY

400 Killed In Unprovoked Attack

On the birth of Christ:

HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS EJECTED FROM SHELTER

Animal Rights Advocates Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:

LAY PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH

Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:

QUACK PREYS ON TERMINALLY ILL

Authorities Investigating Use of Non-traditional Medical Procedure

On healing of the two demon-possessed men in Gadarenes:

MADMAN CAUSES STAMPEDE

Local Farmer Faces Bankruptcy After Loss of Hogs

On raising Lazarus from the dead:

ITINERANT PREACHER RAISES STINK

Will Now Being Contested by Lawyers of Heirs