(A liberal Episcopalian writes about his agnosticism in terms of belief in God or the efficacy of prayer)

Dec. 9, 2007

By Harry T. Cook

A person unacquainted with my heterodoxy assumed, given my line of work, that I would naturally be willing - eager even - to "say a little prayer" upon a certain public occasion. That's how she put it: "Would you say a little prayer?" It really wasn't a question at all.

I tried as gracefully as I could to get out of it by saying, with a smile, that I didn't give "little prayers, only big ones that take a lot of forethought" and therefore was unprepared. The woman was not to be put off: "Then just say one you know."

So I turned off the charm and answered, "Yahweh and I have not been on speaking terms for some time," I said, "I'm pretty sure He would not recognize my voice and, if He did, would cover His ears and go 'Nahnahnahnahnah.'"

Relentless, clearly appalled but nevertheless fascinated, she persisted: "Why ever would you think that?" I stood my ground: "I would as soon leaf through the Manhattan telephone directory and place my index finger on a number at random and dial it than I would address a prayer to an invisible deity for whose existence I have no usable data."

"So you don't believe in God," she said. One could hardly infer a question mark from her inflection.

"I didn't say that," was my reply. "I don't know enough either to believe in a god or not to believe in a god. And I'm not sure any human being does."

Now fully engaged, the woman pressed the point. Looking every bit the proper Anglican dowager in high dudgeon, she demanded to know why, given my paucity of faith, I was an Episcopalian.

My unforgivably snotty answer was as follows: "I am an Episcopalian in the world of religion for the same reason that in the world of music I am a devoted and knowledgeable fan of grand opera. The scenery, the costumes and the music of both are marvelous, even if the libretti and the plots of both run from silly to banal."

The conversation, if you could call it that, came to an abrupt conclusion as she observed that I should turn in my license to practice "or whatever it is you people have that lets you do what you do" as off she went hunting another lamb to the slaughter for her little prayer.

Had I been able to have one last word, I might have asked what her reaction would be to the sight of a man standing on a street corner speaking to no visible object other than a lamp post or a trash can. If he said he was talking to God, was praying, would she shy away concerned that he was in some way unbalanced and maybe dangerous? Or would she ask to which one?

Had I had that last word, I might have quoted to her the admonition of Jesus (see Matthew 6:6) that prayer, if prayer there be, should be done in secret behind a shut door. The English translation "secret" is the Greek ???pt? -like cryptic, perhaps in almost coded language utterly unknown to anyone but the pray-er himself or herself.

There is no reason to think that the woman in question will ever read this essay, but if she were to do so, she would learn that just as I don't know enough either to believe or not believe in a god, so I don't know enough to believe or not believe in the efficacy of prayer - little prayers or big.

I am thoroughly agnostic on the subjects of deity and prayer. That does not stop me, however, from engaging in my own version of crypto-prayer.

I am an early morning walker and, especially in these days approaching the winter solstice, most of my three miles are accomplished before sunrise - making it easier to have animated one-sided disputations with Whoever or Whatever might be tuned in to my frequency, without being seen by a neighbor and reported to the police as an escapee from the asylum.

What I am doing in my own pre-dawn version of Matthew 6: 6 is, in effect, practicing arguments I would make to a deity should one manifest itself and be willing to be approached. I would confront the deity with the following - assuming He, She, It or They owned up to the creation of Homo sapiens:

Why the human predilection to wage war instead of peace? Why our block-headedness where the pillaging of Earth and its resources are concerned? Why human greed so ferocious that, not only do we have the poor always with us but more rather than less of them than ever, even as wealth among the few increases exponentially? And finally, where the hell were You during the Holocaust?

Those are no "little prayers," but were you to encounter me along the paths of my solitary morning walks you would hear, sotto voce, my on-going argument with an unseen and maybe non-existent deity. Withal, I think I am neither dangerous nor unbalanced.

© Copyright 2007, Harry T. Cook. All rights reserved. This article may not be used or reproduced without proper credit. --

Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher

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