Anita Worthen has a gay (HIV positive) son who is
not a committed Christian. She and her husband Frank (a former
homosexual) work with New Hope Ministries (California), helping
lesbian women and gay men. Coauthor Bob Davies, an ex-gay, is
executive director of Exodus International, a coalition of ministries
to homosexuals. So they write from first-hand experience.
Someone I Love is Gay is a 'caring evangelical' book.
If you want quick fixes to problems of sexual orientation and
human relationships, or a liberal Metropolitan Community Church
exegesis of the relevant biblical texts, or a theological /psychological
discussion of 'causes and cures', this isn't for you. It's a book
of stories, and advice - about how to cope when you discover your
partner/child/friend is gay.
Two sections in particular are superb. 'Relinquishment'
(chapter 5) is not 'abandonment'. When we relinquish our loved
one to God we face our limitations, acknowledge God's ownership,
let go of our expectations, give our loved ones the same freedom
God gives us: responsibility for one's own choices, and we give
up efforts to control circumstances...
Because sexual abuse is a factor in the lives of
80-90% of lesbians, and a significant number of male homosexuals
as well, there's a whole chapter (6) devoted to it. As a counselor
I have to say it's about the best summary of the major themes
I've ever read. Consider: 'A child who has been abused typically
feels responsible. To have the behavior ignored or played down
does even more damage' (p.86). 'Don't give up. The issues surrounding
abuse are complex and take much time to resolve. But with God's
help, the victim of sexual abuse can be restored' (p.94).
The book is full of practical wisdom. Like: 'there
are no sure-fire ways to "fix" your loved one' (p.192);
'distinguish acceptance (acknowledging what is true) from approval
(affirming something as good or right)' (p.114); 'you cannot control
your loved one's choices - only your reaction to their choices'
(p.50).
Homosexuality is the #1 polarizing topic for 1990's
Christians. It's a complex of complex issues. (Tony Campolo writes
- Can Mainline Denominations Survive?, 1995 - about his and his
wife's differing views on the subject of same-sex unions: she's
sometimes in favor, he isn't). The 'links' to evangelical Christian
books and other resources are worth the price of the book. Give
it to any evangelical Christian who's discovered their loved one
is gay.
Dino Hodge's book is different, comprising interviews
with 18 lesbian women and gay men, whose common aim is to understand
their sexuality in terms of their particular 'spirituality' (rather
than, say, rationally). If your definition of 'spirituality' is
narrowly conservative Christian, or you're likely to get upset
at criticisms of Sydney Anglicanism or traditional Catholicism,
this book's not for you. But if you want to meet people among
whom are liberal Christians, ex-Catholics, an ex-Buddhist (who's
ex-Carey Baptist Grammar and whose hobby is to investigates monstrosities!),
a Hindu, Sufist, Taoist etc. - the kinds of gays Jesus would relate
to at parties in our culture - then this book will challenge you.
I wouldn't give it to a young Christian, but would encourage others
interested in the integration of homosexuality with various spiritualities
to read it. What am I saying? Simple really: I don't agree with
most of the views here, but I want to be more like Jesus, 'accepting'
such people (though not their lifestyle), than like the Pharisees,
forming judgmental opinions from a distance. Or, in other words,
if your stance is one of 'understanding' rather than 'overstanding'
you'll enjoy this book.
Rowland Croucher
Someone I Love is Gay: How Family and Friends Can
Respond, by Anita Worthen , IVP, 1996; The Fall Upward: Spirituality
in the Lives of Lesbian Women and Gay Men, NT: Little Gem Publications,
1996.
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