"All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed; Second, it is violently opposed; Third, it is accepted as self-evident."

-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Live simply. Love generously.

Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

(Sent by a friend in the U.S.)

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:17:23 +1100

Faith Healer

Kim Brett was once a figure in the ex-gay movement. She has now left and continues to balance her sexuality with her Christianity. She spoke to LOTL.

1. You are a former leader of the ex-gay movement. How big is this movement in Australia?

Exodus is a global umbrella organization that has ex-gay ministries from around the world connected to it. The greatest number and strongest ministries are in the US with smaller groups in other countries. In Australia, the ex-gay ministries have been quite small. The difference between the Australian ministries and their American counterparts is that in Australia the ex-gay ministries are not politically active or supported financially by right wing Christian groups like Focus on the Family.

Anthony Venn-Brown's autobiography <http://www.amazon.com/Life-Unlearning-Anthony-Venn-brown/dp/1741105463/ref= pd_bbs_sr_1/105-1476940-9966826?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192071660&sr=8-1> 'A Life of Unlearning' has created an awareness of the futility of trying to change your sexual orientation and he monitors ex-gay activities and holds them accountable to claims they make. In Australia, the most important shift has been in the language used. It's very rare for anyone from the movement these days to actually claim they are now heterosexual. They will be honest enough to admit that they still have homosexual thoughts but they have behavior management mechanisms and accountability in place to protect them from 'falling'. The language used for recruiting others has also changed. They now use the term 'unwanted' same-sex-attraction as opposed to telling every gay person they should change.

2. What led you to become involved in the ex-gay movement?

Through the years my own personal journey towards reconciliation of my faith and orientation has been traumatic and tumultuous. There have been times when I was away from the Church but always found myself needing to return. To quote CS Lewis "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it." Feeling a great love for the church but feeling rejected and unwanted by it is a heavy burden many homosexual people carry. It can generate a lot of bitterness towards the Church and its teachings and this is how I was a number of years ago. However, I met a lovely Catholic woman, who showed me acceptance and friendship that led the way for me to return to the Church and become involved in ex-gay ministries. My previous involvements within the Church was in street-work/coffee shop ministry and I felt that if I was to become involved in ministry again it would be in supporting homosexual people who were attempting to live by the Church's teaching. It was purely through understanding the trauma, loneliness and desperation one faces when being Christian and homosexual that I became involved in the ex-gay ministries. I wanted to offer love, acceptance, understanding and above all support to people who, because of their same-sex orientation, felt those things weren't always available to them in the Church.

What was your role and profile in the movement?

*Co-founded and leader of YANA - ex-gay women's group *Leadership team - Living Waters program *Board member/small group leader - Liberty Inc (local ex-gay ministry)

*Exodus Asia Pacific associate

4. Do you feel that any part of your work there was valuable and justifiable? Did you actually help any people find their true selves?

The work was valuable in that we were accepting, supportive and respectful of the people that came to us. Some people had never experienced acceptance within a Christian setting before regarding their sexuality and for others it was the first time that they had spoken to anyone about their sexual orientation, concerns/addictions or relationships. I personally experienced support and acceptance within the ex-gay community however that support and acceptance was generally conditional upon me actively maintaining the ex-gay lifestyle. Most would see me now as a backslidden Christian living in deception.

The ex-gay ministry is a manifestation of the anti-homosexual teaching of the Church. This then creates a need for these groups because there are homosexual people who, regardless of whether the teaching is right or not, have chosen to live by it. These people often need support and encouragement. I no longer believe though that it is justifiable to promote an ex-gay theology. I've always disliked the term ex-gay and refused the label. Being labeled an ex-gay automatically sets one up for a sense of failure and self-loathing as soon as life, thought or temptation comes along. It can take many years for a person to work towards some sort of reconciliation and peace between their faith and sexuality and to use a term that is not true for many people, is dishonest and dishonoring to God and our faith.

The journey of reconciling one's faith and sexuality is different for each individual. Some combine the two easily, while others take many years and for some, it's a life-long experience. Finding your true self means different things to different people. For example, because of the Church's teaching some people are unable to enter into heterosexual intimacy or resolve their homosexuality with their faith, so will choose to live a life of celibacy, this was my position. Others marry but need support on and off to continue in that situation and then there are always those who loose hope and leave the Church filled with bitterness and disappointment.

But, there are now a growing number of people who are able to live a life proudly as a gay or lesbian Christian, honoring God in their lives and relationships with integrity. Being able to live your life honestly by your own convictions is, in my opinion, finding your true self.

By extension, does the ex-gay movement have any positive aspects and is it possible that some people can be persuaded or lead into a sexuality that is not true to their identity?

The ex-gay ministries I was involved with all the leaders were very compassionate. That was one of the reasons I became involved because I wanted to extend the same to others in my situation. Looking back, the level of ignorance, aggression and, at times stupidity in the mainstream Pentecostal/Charismatic Church was overwhelming and nothing short of abuse. The trauma I experienced mostly came from other people, and teaching within the Church, separate to the ex-gay ministries but I cannot realistically exclude one from the other. The ex-gay ministry was and is a manifestation of the anti-homosexual teaching of the Church and as such its existence, whether it is filled with loving people or not, is in itself harmful.

I personally have met women who have said they are ex-gay - that is, they have no desire or thoughts to return to a lesbian lifestyle. I cannot dispute their claims for their journey is valid as well, but I cannot deny the many others who live a life traumatised trying to come to terms with balancing their sexuality and Christian beliefs.

6. What led you to renounce that movement?

My perspective changed when a series of events made me stop and re-think my life, what I believed in and how I was contributing to the Church. The death of my grandmother, certain health concerns and feeling burnt-out forced me to take some time away from people and to re-evaluate my life. During this time, I realized I was just another voice preaching the ex-gay theology and yet not seeing the outcome we were told was possible and longed for. Even though my intentions may have been honorable, I felt I was causing harm to others who were struggling to live a life that is acceptable to the teachings of the Church. I no longer feel it is my place to tell others how to live their life of faith.

7. Have you been able to balance your religious / spiritual beliefs with your sexual orientation?

I began to explore other opinions. I had a growing realisation that my sexual orientation and faith was not as incompatible as I once thought. I began reading articles, publications and experiences of people that I felt were respectful of others, non-aggressive and very truthful of their own journeys. I realised that there were people able to integrate sexuality and faith. I thank Jeremy Marks from Courage UK for his testimony and website http://www.courage.org.uk/ and an email response to me when I first began my investigation.

As a result of thirty years of anti-gay Church teaching there are areas of thought for me to work through, but I have more peace now than I have ever experienced before. For the first time in my life, I am in a lesbian relationship that embraces and is guided by my Christian faith, which my partner also shares, and I am at peace that the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

8. Tell us a little about freedom 2[b]e and YANA.

1. Launched in 2005, <http://www.freedom2b.org/phpBB2/index.php> Freedom 2 b[e] is a growing global network of people from church backgrounds, particularly Pentecostal and Charismatic. It provides support, information and an opportunity for people from those backgrounds to resolve any perceived conflict between their faith and their sexuality. Not being a religious organization Freedom 2 b[e] is basically a safe place with no agenda or judgement for GLBTIQ people to connect with others who understand the issues they face. The website, online community and chapter meetings facilitate the connections. More details: <http://www.freedom2b.org/> http://www.freedom2b.org/ For more information email:

2. My desire has been to support women who wish to live by their Christian convictions, not just aiming for validation by being 'heterosexual'. In 2003 I co-founded with my Catholic friend an ex-gay group YANA. It was a group offering teaching, group discussion and prayer in a safe, non-judgemental environment that placed emphasis on respecting the privacy and confidentiality of the group attendees. It was a group for lesbians who, because of their Christian convictions, were looking for support and understanding. Retreats were offered throughout the year, as well as social activities. It was an interdenominational women's ministry affiliated with Liberty Inc. which is part of worldwide Exodus Global Alliance.

9. Do you have any advice for lesbians unhappy or under pressure and discrimination due to their sexuality that might be attracted to the ex-gay movement?

Anthony Venn-Brown gives wise direction for anyone considering entering into ex-gay groups/therapies. His comments are "before you invest your time (sometimes years), money, energy and life to the change process, ask the ex-gay leaders what sort of guarantee they can offer you regarding change. At best, if they are honest, all you will end up with is a degree of 'heterosexual functionality' but not a switch in orientation." Website: http://www.anthonyvennbrown.com/

Make informed decisions. Don't be fearful to listen to other 'non-conventional' perspectives regarding scripture and homosexuality, no one can honestly say they have the entire truth. Be cautious of people pushing their own agenda or ministry. Some anti-gay groups will challenge you not to listen to discussions outside of the Church regarding faith and sexual orientation - some comments being "you do not dialogue with evil" Also, from some pro-gay groups you will only hear angry, hateful comments towards the Church. When you are standing in the middle of this battle it is hard to see any difference between the two groups.

Don't get caught into a life of living by others expectations. Have confidence in those people who are being respectful of each others opinion and are willing to come to the table to dialogue - it is the only way forward.

Having someone to listen to you and stand by you is very important. I personally owe a lot to my former boss and friend who is a psychiatrist. He has been a wonderful support throughout the years.

After you have investigated all avenues have the courage to live by your own convictions and find the peace that God is urging you to find.

10. Any other message you would like to convey to LOTL readers?

Homosexual people are not to be outside the Church, we are part of the Church. If you have a strong faith and love God, but have been rejected by the Church and feel you are unwelcome, then remember it is not God rejecting you but people representing God. It is okay to not have all the answers about this topic, but it's not okay to feel you are excluded from the Church community. Your faith, relationship and journey in this life is sacred before God. Take back your rightful place within the Church and do not be ashamed of who you are.

"There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God."

*****

For a review of Anthony Venn-Brown's 'A Life of Unlearning' visit http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/20521.htm