I wrote:

I remember doing a seminar with an inner suburban Anglican church and asking them what their strengths are... 'We're a welcoming/friendly church', they said. Then I asked 'Think of the names of anyone who has been 'welcomed' here and has stayed more than a year, say in the last ten years'. They couldn't think of anyone!!!!

Reason? There was a core group - people related to each other - who had a sense of ownership in that place, and after an initial warm welcome, newcomers felt they were gradually frozen out of/ not invited to this and that...

A pastoral colleague responded:

I suspect that this may be the experience of many people who attempt to join a congregation, either as a transfer from another congregation or as a newcomer to church life. It was certainly my experience as a newcomer to church life.

That "sense of ownership" by a "core group" was a condition recognized by many in the congregation - some people spoke of the congregation's "purple circle".

However, it has also been my experience that if a newcomer holds on, then the freezing out diminishes and acceptance grows. It seems to require patience on both sides, as the "purple circle" waits for the newcomer to become more "conforming" and the newcomer waits for the "core group" to become more welcoming.

Or perhaps it is because as a congregation ages and shrinks, and as the "purple circle" grows older, the power structures and alignments in the congregation alter, and the importance/influence of the old power structures and "owners" in the life of the congregation diminish - the newcomer becomes one of the widening group of "owners".