1) NUDITY: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer

evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my

5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a

seat belt!’

2) OPINIONS: On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his

teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed

by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3) KETCHUP: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old

daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk

to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

4) MORE NUDITY: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself

in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into

shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover The little

boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t

you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an

elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years

old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop?

Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I

ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her.

‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you

please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van

in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,

Jake , was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that

a dog you got back there?’ he asked. ‘It sure is,’ I replied. Puzzled,

the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he

said, ‘What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches

to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my

afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various

appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and

wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth

soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of

questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

DRESS-UP: A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.

When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you

shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ‘And why not, darling?’ ‘You know that it

always gives you a headache the next morning’

9) DEATH: While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,

our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his

collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had

found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed,

they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and

made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was

chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity

intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory

be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’ (I

want this line used at my

funeral!)

10) SCHOOL: A little girl had just finished her first week of school .

‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I

can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE: A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was

fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something

fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What

he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out. ‘What have you got

there, dear?’ With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered,

‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

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