A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park.

He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake.

Then off to a theater to see a movie -- more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, I meant dress size."

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One-Liners :

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory? A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball company? A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book company? A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job at the clock company? A. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Q. How's your job on the farm? A. Problems keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop? A. Hanging on by a thread.

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A Good Defense

A family of skunks was trapped in a thicket, surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves that were edging even closer.

The mother skunk calmly instructed her young, "Quickly, children, let's put our heads together!"

After they obeyed, forming a circle, she continued, "Now -- let us spray!"

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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."