I'm not a complete idiot - - Some parts are just missing.

Out of my mind, back in five minutes.

NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is the room spinning medicine.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being over the hill is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Procrastinate now!

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

Ham and eggs... a day's work for a chicken and a lifetime commitment for a pig.

I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.