As a small child, I recall sleeping in a bedroom of someone else’s house. In the half light of early morning I peered at unfamiliar objects in that room, in an attempt to determine what they were, arriving at various interpretations, as the level of light expanded, only to have them finally turn out to be something entirely other, as the full light of day filled the room.

Likewise, in life, I have also attempted to make sense of all manner of issues and events in my experience, using the criteria of the obvious, only to come up with solutions which proved to be woefully inadequate and eventually arriving at completely different levels of understanding of some of those events.

For example, for the greater part of my earlier life, I experienced myself as central to my world, which made me subject to everything, triggering me to feel a victim of circumstance often, powerless to influence change in situations.

I am aware of having journeyed through life thus far, as though operating at two levels; on the one hand, addressing life at a conscious level, yet also feeling troubled at a deeper level, sensing there has always been more going on that I have never clearly identified completely, but rather, in a piecemeal fashion.

It seems to me that I am not the first individual to notice this experience of what may be perceived as “smoke and mirrors”, as 1 Cor.13:12 says “Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known”

The fact that Jesus spoke to people in the form of parables reinforces for me this perception that he didn’t intend us to take his words on face value. Rather, he tells us that unless we become like little children, we will never see the kingdom of God, and that being the spiritual realm undergirding life as we know it. Children are, in their natural state, curious little beings who haven’t yet been conformed by the stresses of this world to need the levels of certitude that we as adults tend to require before we can feel secure.

The false self in me needs to be in control of everything, in a framework where everything is perceived as either good or bad, whereas the true self in me strives to be able to hold good and bad in tension, and can rest in a place of not knowing, having the capacity to live with ambiguity. Perhaps this is what living with faith is about, being described in scripture as being “the hope of things yet unseen.”

Through the context of my work as a Relationship Therapist and Spiritual Director, I have become far more aware over time, that, generally speaking, we begin to develop a false self from very early in life, taking our identity in response to the ways that our significant carers related to us, and that conversely, we also glimpse increasingly the presence of a more liberated and wiser self within us.

The false self we develop in early life is characterized by an underlying experience of anxiety and inadequacy, the presence of which continually produces conflict, whether internal to ourselves, external in our relationships, or a combination of both. In this regard, conflict can be regarded as a positive driver of growth in us, and thereby also triggering the potential for growth in those with whom we are in relationship, dependent upon both how we view difficulty, and how we respond to it.

The true self, with which we are innately blessed, is by contrast, already complete within us, and is gradually “unearthed” in us through the process of our life’s journey. It is characterized by a contentment which naturally produces community.

Teresa of Avila said “You find God in yourself and yourself in God”.

Whether you are more comfortable in relating to the spiritual world through Christian terminology, or that of some other stream of religion is, I believe, a matter of the level of light we have received so far on our journey, and corroborated by our cultural and genetic experiences.

For myself, I have come to believe in the body of truth that Jesus brought, because it speaks to me of a relational God. I have come to recognize that we are only who we are, within the context of relationship. Jesus spoke of the mystical union of Father, Son and Spirit. He also prayed to his Father that we might become one with him as he is one with the Father. Further, I am convinced that he came, not to initiate yet another religion, as much as to reveal to us a universal truth.

An aspect of my embrace of that truth is a growing understanding that the innate conflict and pain arising in the context of all levels of relationship is the result of a sense of disconnection, and which, conversely, suggests to me that somewhere deep in our unconscious lies a knowledge that we are actually innately one, in a process of reconciliation.

Authentic life, therefore, appears to be a process of identifying the false self, and willingly embracing the pain associated with the birthing of the true self, the natural outflow of which is a coming home to true community, a form of connection which arises more from innate desire than primitive need, and therefore, a relaxed and life-giving level of relationship.

A pathway to the identification of the false self is the discipline of meditation, as it develops within us the capacity to step increasingly back from our old ego defenses, enabling us to observe ourselves from a more distant vantage point, and illuminating to us the underlying meanings of some of those defenses, and to be gradually willing to lay them aside, in favour of personal freedom.

The dictionary meaning of the word “initiate” is: to begin, to commence, or to originate”. In terms of discarding a false self, the process of initiation seems fitting to originate the journey/process of living out of a true self, and life itself provides for us the necessary trigger mechanisms for this to occur.

• Quote from”Night at the Museum 2” “We are involved in an evolution from enemy to friend.”

Rosemary Moffitt