"We live in a society that talks about peace and contentment, and yet we seem to grow further and further from both. We get richer, but relationally poorer. Our weddings get bigger and our marriages get shorter. Our houses get bigger and our families get smaller. We communicate across the world without difficulty but can't talk across the dinner table." This insight from Bishop Al Stewart of Wollongong points to the challenge facing families today and it is a time when a man who is a good father can make a world of difference. As we come to Fathers' Day on Sunday, it needs to be said that our world has picked up its game towards our mothers and our women in so many areas but the role and privilege of being a father has tended to be undervalued and overlooked when it is more vital than ever.

It is interesting that two of the most popular shows currently on TV are 'Find My Family' and 'World's Strictest Parents'. Perhaps the mood has changed; we are not so eager to watch amoral people cavort in houses with their vanity and falsity on display as to find positive stories that give hope, direction and security.

So let me encourage fathers to contribute to their family and play the important role they were designed to do.

When men care about their boys it helps their boys become men. In a similar way, the love and respect of a good father, helps girls become women of self-respect and strength.

In a recent episode of "World's Strictest Parents" it was incredibly powerful to see a strong black South African dad tell a young, fatherless, 15 year old boy, "I love you and now I regard you as my own son." The transformation in the 15 year old boy was remarkable. It was hard to fight back the tears. One of the balancing acts the show has to maintain is not to belittle the real parents who have obviously lacked the wisdom, strength and skill to be the parents their children need.

A recent study has shown that the involvement of FATHERS in their children's lives is one of the most important preventatives when it comes to teenagers engaging in risky sexual behaviour. The study in the US was commissioned to deal with the 750,000 unwanted teen pregnancies that country suffers each year, and questions were asked of 13 to 18 year-olds about their behaviour and their parents' knowledge of their friends and activities. The more parents knew their children's friends and involvements the less they engaged in sexual behaviour. But the results were not equal; while the mother's involvement helped some, the extent of the father's knowledge, care and involvement had the major influence. Children whose dad knows their friends, and cares where they go and what they do, are far less likely to get caught up in detrimental activities.

Maybe it is because when fathers are involved in their families, mothers are under a lot less stress, the load is shared and everyone works better.

And yet our society has a family justice system that strongly disadvantages fathers. It is fathers locked out of their families who are committing suicide, who are committing mad crimes, who suffer enormous loss. These situations are complex; prevention is by far the better goal.

Talking to a friend the other day, he was looking back at the days before his divorce, "I was in a fog," he said, "I didn't see what my wife and children needed from me till I lost them."

It's not easy for men to take their role these days in which confusion surrounds family roles. Men often feel on the edge of the family, as if they're not taken seriously, the decisions are being made elsewhere. Sometimes their contributions are taken for granted and not appreciated.

On Father's Day, families need to affirm their men, and reassure them that their place in the family is valued, is wanted, is noted and needed. In this way, men will feel stronger and more able to be the supportive and stable source of love they crave to be in family life.

Geoff Leslie