If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don't give up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your strength and share it with others. The world needs you.

Dealing with perceived criticism

I recently spoke with a team member who is reading a book, "How to Cope with Difficult People." She is often troubled by the comments of those who criticize or challenge her, including her dentist, her patients and her co-workers. She often feels that their comments are unfair and that she's being picked on. She wants to learn how to neutralize the impact these people have on her since she doesn't respond well to their comments. She tends to feel small and insignificant. I've suggested that her challenge is not how to negate the effect of people she finds difficult but rather how to use their strength to help her grow. I contend that as long as these critics are not mean-spirited and unkind but rather are motivated to help her grow, she is indeed a lucky person to have them around.

Many of us perceive ourselves to have a similar problem. We have clients, family and friends who are strong, intelligent, funny, talented and simultaneously difficult. They may be recognized by any one of the following characteristics:

How to recognize legitimate critics:

They don't hesitate to tell us when the Emperor has no clothes.

They demand more of us than anyone else, sometimes even ourselves.

They often refuse to go along with the crowd and blaze new trails.

They insist that visions can and must be achieved.

They call upon us to work hard.

They persevere in the face of resistance.

They help us think more clearly and stay focused.

They tell us that we and everything we do matters.

Kind-spirited people

Good-hearted yet difficult people may tread on our feelings. Not always tactful, not always gentle, these difficult people push us toward a superiority of thought and deed. They challenge falseness, correct poor performance and condemn unworthy attitudes or behavior.

They're realists

Difficult people are realists. They know what makes the world tick. They push us to levels of achievement we thought were either impossible or too much work. They demand that we respect ourselves enough to do the hard tasks well.

You know where they stand. They speak their minds.

In cultures which value harmony above all, tolerate unacceptable behavior, or are supportive of failure, we need difficult people to be part of our lives. They don't always get along. They are demanding. They don't respect those things that are detrimental to the values they consider important. They do have opinions and they speak their minds. They expect excellence from us. They do not allow a trend of supported failure. Accepting weakness does not strengthen us.

Make a deliberate change

As we get older, let us change ourselves from people who think that getting along and not rocking the boat is better than being difficult. Let us ask a great deal of ourselves and a great deal of those with whom we work. Let us always give a great deal to those we serve.

The world needs to hear your voice.

If you are a difficult person, join the ranks of others who are making the corners of our world a better place. You are creating order out of chaos, excellence out of mediocrity. You may often be the brunt of the anger of others, for you increase the ante and raise the bar. Don't give up or give in to the ordinary or the unspectacular. Be proud of your strength and share it with others. The world needs you.