Clergy/Leaders' Mail-list No. 782 (Movies - Moderate length)
This appeared in ALL ABOUT FAMILIES (Norman Bales, Editor)
By Joel Mark Solliday
How does one "fall in love?" Is it biological or behavioral? Is it
learned behavior or learning behavior? I suppose it is both. I'm
still confused.
You logic lovers who dislike the word "fall" in this context could be
next. maybe. Then your critical analysis of the term will be lost in
cyber-space forever. Let others quarrel with the words. I just want
to know how it's done. I can worry about the long climb back up to
planet earth later. Maybe the movies can shed some light on the
subject.
Apparently, people fall in love on line. The movie, "You've Got
Mail" built its plot on that brilliant proposition. Such "love" is
not really learned or learning behavior. It is just strange
behavior. Yet it's fun to watch others pretend to do it.
My friends and I thought this film was cute, at first. Then our
minds embarked on a brief debriefing exercise, led by me I must
admit. If pretense, deception, selfishness and sexual indiscretion
are cute, then "You've Got Mail" is too.
Movies, like commercials, are not benign. They tamper with our
desires and values. They even teach us how to "fall" in love.
Movies move images. Images move hearts. I know you are immune but
indulge me for the sake of all the other mindless zombies.
Boycotting movies is not my point. Debriefing is. Don't be a
mindless zombie. Be a critical thinker, not a critical person. And
watch for the following creative device used by the Tom Hankses and
Meg Ryans of the big screen: they lie to win love.
So that's how it's done. In "Sleepless in Seattle," the female was
the liar. In "You've Got Mail," it was the male. He was no
gentleman. He intentionally stood up the heroine (for non-heroic
reasons) and the audience still swooned. We knew the heroine would
swoon soon too. I guess electronic lies don't count.
Is dishonesty sexy? The Hanks character won his woman with pure
pretense as sighs filled the auditorium. He deceived his on-line pal
and played the classic two-faced role, all to his advantage at her
emotional expense. He was also a cutthroat businessman but we all
just knew he had a soft spot somewhere and Meg would find it.
And another thing. Hollywood seems to think that the best way to
"fall in love" is to be sleeping with someone you don't love until
the right one comes along and makes it all right. The sheets hardly
get cold. The ones dumped don't seem to mind (remember the fiancé in
"Sleepless" left high and dry at the restaurant with his mouth full
and heart empty?). This technique minimizes the moral outrage over
the cruel secret the star kept hidden until the opportune moment.
For Hollywood, apparently, love is a pretty low place to fall.
Disney has been teaching girls for years that the boy next door is
chopped liver. You need a handsome stranger for the right feeling-be
he a prince or a monstrous beast. At least he's a stranger, not a
friend. "You've Got Mail," like "Sleepless" fits this formula.
Is this what women want? In the movie "As Good As it Gets," another
beautiful woman falls for a guy unworthy of her. The Nicholson
character was unfit for any romance. He was surly, mean-spirited,
selfish and obsessive-compulsive. Yet, Helen Hunt is swept off her
feet, in time. Does the phrase "fit for romance" mean anything out
there?
"Have a heart," you say. He had a psychological problem and needed
attention and help. Plus he paid her son's medical expenses. OK,
let your daughter marry such a cad.
Hollywood is sending the wrong messages. Imagine that. One is that
women fall for men who lie. But then, why bring politics in?
- Joel Solliday <>
Also -
Throughout the entire debate concerning the president's behavior, the
media has regularly kept us abreast of the president's approval
ratings in the polls. Can you decide questions of right and wrong
on the basis of public opinion? What are the criteria for
determining one's ethical standards? This is the subject of an essay
by Monroe Hawley at <http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/sh/percep2.html>
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CHARACTER MATTERS IN LOVE TOO
Morality Is Not Democratic
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