### Hi Rowland,

### Herewith some answers from a 'still learning' layman who has not 'arrived yet'.

DISCUSS: 1. The basic axiom about self-esteem relates to the issue of 'Who gives you your grade?' Why is it so difficult to 'rewrite the script' when powerful people have helped us define our worth throughout childhood and beyond?

### I think for most people, the world-view of self-esteem based on status, fame, position, riches and achievements just overwhelms the real self-esteem based on spiritual and moral values. Only Christ can change our definition of our worth - that we are accepted 'just as I am without one plea'.

2. '"PBA" - Performance Based Acceptance - means that you base your hopes that somebody likes you on the basis of how well you are performing. It happens at home, in school, with friends, at your work... Is it inevitable?

### It is not inevitable, but for most people it is difficult to change ...... as Tony Campolo rightly says in 'Who Switched the Price Tags' our value system is upside-down performance-oriented. What a wonderful thing it would be if Christians were encouraged to do 1 year missionary service in a third world country!

3. When I (Rowland Croucher) am asked 'What's the cause of pastors and parishioners having conflict?' one answer is: 'There's a mismatch of expectations and reality - perhaps both ways.' How in the church can we match a theology of acceptance with the reality of judgment-by-performance?

### Much of our church (that is ordinary parishioners, not the building nor the institution) values are based on the world-system rather than Christ's Kingdom. It is very difficult to be 'in the world but not be of the world'. Often church organisation is based on the world's system of management, efficiency and economics - just like a business ..... and hence Christians judge each other based on performance. This then follows through in relating to those outside the church. We accept those who perform to our criteria.

4. "Most people are more 'against' those who deny half their creed than those who deny the whole of it" (Who said that?). Is it true? Why?

### This is a most thorny problem. I think that Christians who see others Christians who have 'gone' communist, radical, liberal, conservative, fundamental or heretical (some of the Thiering, Cameron, Robinson, Tillich, Cho, Hinn, Ankerberg ilk) have 'let the side down', 'have betrayed the cause', 'have just come to cause division', 'have left the fold' etc. And so, like the world judges the church as a people who should be perfect (hence the venom against Peter Hollingworth), these Christians are judged more harshly than unbelievers. The comparison is something like a family where often family-members have a higher standard for those in the family than those outside ..... after all, 'you can do better than that' and 'you must not let the family image down'. If little Jackie poos in the supermarket trolly or demolishes a lovely stack of cans of baked beans ..... it reflects on Mum's image which is cultivated to impress others that she has a well-trained tribe who are under control. Somehow we must get back to the Tertullian quote in The Apology - 'see how (these Christians) love one another.'

5. 'Terrorists are people who think they have the whole truth, and anyone who doesn't share it is a legitimate target... Most of us believe that no-one has the absolute truth... That life is a journey toward truth, that we have something to learn from each other; and that everybody ought to have a chance to make the journey.. So, for us, a community is made up of anybody who accepts the rules of the game. Everybody counts, everybody has a role to play, everybody deserves a chance and we all do better when we work together...' (Bill Clinton, 2001 BBC Dimbleby Lecture). Is that just too naive? ### Good in parts, providing it allows community members to be themselves, or as God would have them be; and Christians are permitted to tell people that they are accepted by God and there is a better way through Christ's work on the cross.

6. "Open membership churches feel that their 'closed' counterparts are legalistic, putting adherance to a particular doctrinal interpretation ahead of accepting others whom God has accepted. This criticism surely has validity. Closed membership is a denial not only of our Baptist principle of the liberty of individuals to be guided by the Holy Spirit, perhaps into another point of view, but is, above all, a denial of the Christian good news about God's grace." (See http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/9024.htm for the whole article). This statement is a reference to the many Baptists (and others) who insist on baptism as a prerequisite to acceptance into church membership. How does this square with the biblical notion of 'Grace'?

### I must admit that legalistic pharisaical systems by churches on who should take communion, be members, take office, put out the flowers, vacuum the sanctuary etc ..... amazes me. This is why I have problems with the church institution of the sacraments 'ex opere operato' delivering grace. Acceptance of all Christians who are 'on the road' is essential. I praise the Lord, both Lyn and I are warmly accepted at the local Lutheran Church where we now worship - even knowing our 'strange' background!

7. '"Accept one another". There are persons who we like to have around. There are others who are "only tolerated"... "Birds of a feather flock together". But why? People who are like us, who think the same thoughts... confirm us.' (Jurgen Moltmann, The Open Church, pp. 28-30). So how do we accept people we don't like, or who are 'handicapped' in some way?

### This is another thorny problem that I addressed in a recent paper that I scribbled together on Music in Christian Worship. For the most edification, building up, encouraging and support in fellowship (worship, Bible study, witness etc.) believers ought to roughly understand the same 'language of the Spirit'. Maybe Barbara Thiering, Paul Tillich, Jack Spong, Benny Hinn and Billy Graham worshipping together with a US Rave Mass type band or opening up the scriptures together in a home Bible Study might not be equally uplifted, encouraged and blessed! I believe there is a subtle difference between acceptance - loving all 'in the Lord' - and being involved in regular and participatory worship and fellowship where some degree of 'common language of the Spirit' is essential.

8. 'Like all children I had always wanted my mother's blessing...But my mother is not grace to herself; therefore she simply doesn't have it in her to give to anybody else. I have finally let her off the hook. That whole experience has helped clarify for me what grace is and how we are finally accepted.' (John Claypool, Interview in The Wittenberg Door, date unknown). Can you relate to that? ### This matter is addressed exceptionally well in a little book I was given some years ago written by Joyce Landorf - 'Irregular People' when I was struggling with a destructive relationship with a very close family member. God's grace is available to heal and enable one to accept the irregular person.

9. Talk about God's acceptance of us - 'while we were yet sinners...' Think on this: 'He loves you just the way you are today/ but much too much to let you stay that way./ When he's changed your heart from what you were before/ He still won't love you one bit more.'

### I struggle with this one. The doctrine of being accepted by God, being loved by God and being 'in Christ' is profound and, maybe, not fully understood. I once searched the Scriptures and wrote another scribbly paper on The Father Heart of God ..... it is amazing how in virtually every book of the Bible one can find evidence of a type of emotion in our Heavenly Father where he is grieving, pleased, sorrowful, delighting etc. in his people. Thus we read in the Scriptures how Christians ought to be obedient lovers of the Lord to please him. It is a mystery.

10. And finally this, from Dom Helder Camara's amazing little book 'A Thousand Reasons for Living' (p.93). 'Let me not be the door / for going to my neighbour, /for bringing him to me/ and forcing him/ to walk along my paths,/ to make my way-in his/ and have to use my keys./ If my door is Christ,/ what matters is/ that I should help each brother/ to travel to the Father/ and yet still be himself.'

### Good stuff - but what is the question? Interesting that in our Lutheran Church the Ash Wednesday and Lenten Evenings Fellowship (study/discussion/worship) planned is on the theme 'Sharing Your Faith Your Way'. We are all different and have a unique and special relationship with the Lord, and therefore in our sharing should realise that our Lord will accept people as individuals and we ought to do the same.

### Thanks for a stimulating discussion. God be with you. David Carter

Rowland Croucher February 2002. More like this - http://priscillasfriends.org/menu.html