For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one wrong or exploit a brother or sister in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, just as we have already told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God did not call us to impurity but in holiness. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7) Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers. (Hebrews 13:4) But because of cases of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I have no need of you,' nor again the head to the feet, 'I have no need of you.' (1 Corinthians 12:21)

And though one might prevail against another, two will withstand one. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

.....

A couple wanted a quiet wedding, so the pastor agreed to have it in the manse. One matter however was overlooked. At the precise moment the question was asked 'Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?' a voice came from the clock behind them, 'Cuckoo! cuckoo...!' Seven times! The bride never did quite regain her composure. Some brides and bridegrooms never do.

A cynic said, 'Marriage is an institution, but who wants to spend their lives in an institution?' Marriages are held together by mutual service, a lot of patience, giving the benefit of the doubt, and by the gifts of apology and forgiveness. All of which isn't easy. Here are ten common misunderstandings about marriage which surface in my counseling room:

1. 'PEOPLE MARRY BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.' In Western cultures we 'fall in love' then marry. In other societies you marry, then learn to 'love' your mate. 'Realistic love' is measured by the degree to which the satisfaction or the security of the other person becomes as significant as one's own satisfaction or security. 'Romantic love' is quite different - it's a mix of psychosexual or biochemical drives, plus a hunger for nurture and approval, and the almost mystical experience of eliminating psychic boundaries with another. Surprisingly some marriages are strong even if the couple are not 'in love': they may have a shared companionship and contentment that is mutually satisfying.

True love (what I call 'realistic' love) is enhanced in the 'everydayness' of marriage, two people sharing common interests, doing interesting things together. The flame of married love is nurtured by kindness, consideration, adjustment to the other's difficult habits, little surprise-gifts, and agreeing on important values. The best marriages result from hard work: as one humorist put it, 'Every marriage has three rings - engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.' Life is more than a Mills and Boon romance or a soapie where everything ends up fine without solid hard work. Neglect kills marriages fast so plan ways to enjoy times together. Jan and I block out a day a week for each other, enjoying our grandchildren, occasionally seeing a good movie, walking, eating out, maybe just reading together, talking about 'how we are', reviewing our goals and evaluating our relationship. We are planning for the time when our youngest children will have left and we'll be alone. We'll then have maybe twenty or thirty years (nearly half our married life) 'for better, for worse, and for lunch'!

2. 'PARTNERS HELP EACH OTHER SOLVE DEEP PROBLEMS'. If you expect your spouse to make your life right for you you'll almost certainly be disappointed. Some expect their partner to meet most of their needs. As we have said, it is impossible to make another person happy. Each partner must take charge of their own gratification and fulfilment.

Somewhere I found this wise statement: The wife's primary responsibility is to know herself so well and to respect herself so much, she gives herself to her husband without hesitation... The primary responsibility of the husband is to love his Lord so deeply and to like himself so completely, he gives himself to his wife without hesitation... The wife's primary role is to model true femininity... character traits that are precious to God and impressive to her husband... The husband's role: to model genuine masculinity... unselfish and sensitive leadership that strengthens the home and gives dignity to the wife.

3. 'IN HAPPY MARRIAGES THEY DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER'. In a good marriage maybe they do 70-80% of their leisure activities together but there is room for individual growth and privacy as well.

4. 'TRUE LOVERS CAN READ EACH OTHER'S THOUGHTS'. This is a half-truth and it's a problem particularly in the sexual area: 'If my partner understood me he/she would soon find out what satisfies me.' One cannot automatically experience another's feelings: don't expect your spouse to read your mind or your body: teach him/her! But 'you'll never understand the opposite sex so don't try' is too pessimistic. Males and females have more in common than they might realize: our humanness, giving and receiving love, the desire to be appreciated, the need for respect and honour are shared by the sexes. Should marriage partners 'tell each other everything'? Counselors are divided on this one. Some I counsel are working through issues of impure thinking (perhaps relating to pornography, sado-masochism etc.) but feel that their naive wives would probably not understand. If I were pressed I'd say 99.5% can be shared. Perhaps there are rare exceptions, motivated by love and integrity rather than deceit. Should married partners say what they think when they think it? Not necessarily. Sometimes critical feedback may be destructive if not couched in love and bathed in prayer. You do not have a right to 'let it all hang out'. Attacks may generate counter-attacks - or 'passive aggressive' responses where the other becomes a saboteur. Sometimes it's important to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.

5. 'HE/SHE'LL CHANGE AFTER WE'RE MARRIED.' Not necessarily; in fact, not likely! As the saying goes, lots of girls would make better wives if they weren't trying to make better husbands (and vice versa). Disagreements do not necessarily mean a poor marriage. On the contrary in almost all cases when people say 'We've never had a disagreement throughout our married lives' I'm suspicious. Sometimes that's a sign of a sick marriage. If one wants the in-laws to share holidays and the other doesn't, then that's OK. Some compromise will be necessary. If a concert would be exciting to one and utterly boring for the other, again you'll need 'plan B'!. A good marriage survives these episodes.

6. 'IF THE MAN IS A GOOD PROVIDER, THAT'S THE MAIN THING.' Many men think they can show their love by working, earning and spending. They are hurt when their hard efforts to bring hbome the bacon and pay the bills aren't appreciated. But women would prefer men who listen and resonate with their feelings. Even the Beatles knew that 'money can't buy me love'. Orange County in California USA has about the highest per capita income in the world but its divorce rate is over 70%.

7. 'CHILDREN WILL MAKE OUR MARRIAGE BETTER.' If the marriage isn't happy, the coming of children won't fix that. All you'll have now is an unhappy marriage plus a baby. The psychological and financial expenditure caring for a child often exacerbates the tensions between the couple. By the way, read some books or attend some seminars on parenting before and during the time children are around! (It's sad that church-sponsored seminars on 'fathering' generally are a fizzer.) Discuss how many children you want and when, how they will be brought up, who will stay at home when they are young.

8. 'AN AFFAIR AUTOMATICALLY SPELLS THE END OF THE MARRIAGE.' Not necessarily. But the line 'a little adultery never hurt a strong marriage' is not true either: the 1960s 'open marriages' were found to be a deeply flawed idea. Adultery is forbidden in the ten commandments not because a law-giving God doesn't want us to enjoy ourselves, but because humans need a context of fidelity and love to fulfil their God-endowed potential.

In the film Indecent Proposal a rich gambler offers $1 million to a desperately poor couple in exchange for a night with the wife (played by Demi Moore). Even in our freer culture, there is still a widespread sensitivity to infidelity. Of course 'playing around' happens without million-dollar incentives...

If possible, when you discover that your partner has been carrying on with someone else (1) Stay calm; (2) Feel betrayed - even mad - but condemn the behaviour rather than the person; (3) Don't even think about revenge: ask why the marriage allowed this to happen?; (4) Don't worry if you can't forgive your partner immediately. That's normal. Forgiveness will come later (if it never comes I'd be worried); (5) Find a counselor and seek therapy. An 'affair' need not be the end of the marriage: but some new, honest negotiating will be necessary to get the marriage onto a secure foundation again.

The problem with infidelity is in the meaning of that word: one is participating in a lie. The loss of honesty and the spinning of a web of deception destroys loving trust. Even so-called 'harmless flirting' cheapens the relationship and is a sign of disrespect: that habit should be broken.

9. 'IT'S BETTER TO HANG ON IN A DESTRUCTIVE MARRIAGE.' Again, not necessarily. While God hates divorce, God is not a legalist either. I have counseled women married to psychopaths where everyone was being destroyed, and, yes, had to agree after many bashings and the children being traumatized that the lesser of all evils was to leave the perpetrator of violence. In less destructive situations sometimes the shock tactic of a trial separation may be called for, but only, I feel, as a last resort after all else has failed, and only with the guidance of a skilled counselor.

10. 'CHRISTIAN COUPLES SHOULD PRAY TOGETHER.' Yes, maybe, but usually they don't. One usually prays 'better' than the other, and because we inhabit a sick competitive culture and forget we should pray to our Father as a child would, and we get embarrassed about our poor flow of words. So I frankly don't know what 'better' means. If you 'pray as you can, not as you can't' and we respect each other's uniqueness it should be possible to pray meaningfully together. Probably there's a deeper reason, however. Praying couples soon find that integrity is called for if the prayer is not phony. God looks on the heart. He understands our deepest motives. Unless the marriage relationship is utterly transparent, praying becomes a form of ritualized verbosity. (The Still Waters Deep Waters series of devotional books are now being used by many couples in their joint prayer-times.) How often should you pray together? As often as you like. Maybe pray separately in the mornings and together at night, or vice versa. You may choose to share your own personal prayer journey with your partner.

.....

We learn about marriage from our parents, the media, from married friends, or from marriage enrichment courses. But learning from your parents can be hazardous, if their marriage wasn't good. Well-known Australian 'biker' evangelist John Smith asked a few hundred schoolkids, 'How many of you would marry if you knew your marriage would be about as good as your parents'?' Only six or seven said yes. So the others will have to learn about marriage from somewhere else...

If they're going to learn from TV or the movies, then they'd better ask: 'What values is Hollywood portraying? Is love ever more than sexual attraction or temporary emotion? Were deep commitment, faithfulness, unselfishness and respect to one another part of the plot?' Sometime analyse the songs about love on the radio: probably 90% will say 'I need you baby... I can't live without you... Hold me tight... set me alight...' or whatever. Most will be about romantic love rather than realistic love.

Rowland Croucher, from an unpublished sermon.

Love at first sight is a physical and emotional impossibility. Why? Because love is not simply a feeling of romantic excitement; it goes beyond intense sexual attraction; it exceeds the thrill at having 'captured' a highly desirable social prize. These are emotions that are unleashed at first sight, but they do not constitute love. I wish the whole world knew that fact. These temporary feelings differ from love in that they place the spotlight on the one experiencing them. 'What is happening to Me? This is the most fantastic thing I've ever been through! I think I am in love!' You see, these emotions are selfish in the sense that they are motivated by our own gratification. They have little to do with the new lover. Such a person has not fallen in love with another person; he or she has fallen in love with love!

...Real love, in contrast to popular notions, is an expression of the deepest appreciation for another human being; it is an intense awareness of his or her needs and longings for the past, present and future. It is unselfish and giving and caring.

James Dobson, Emotions - Can You Trust Them?, London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1980, pp.55-57. [189]

Romantic love is the single greatest energy system in the Western psyche. In our culture it has supplanted religion as the arena in which men and women seek meaning, transcendence, wholeness, and ecstasy. As a mass phenomenon, romantic love is peculiar to the West. We are so accustomed to living with the beliefs and assumptions of romantic love that we think it is the only form of 'love' on which marriage or love relationships can be based. We think it is the only 'true love'. But... in Eastern cultures, like those of India or Japan, we find that married couples love each other with great warmth, often with a stability and devotion that puts us to shame. But their love is not 'romantic love' as we know it. They don't impose the same ideals on their relationships, nor do they impose such impossible demands and expectations on each other as we do... For romantic love doesn't just mean loving someone; it means being 'in love'. This is a psychological phenomenon that is very specific. When we are 'in love' we believe we have found the ultimate meaning of life, revealed in another human being. We feel we are finally completed, that we have found the missing parts of ourselves. Life suddenly seems to have a wholeness, a super-human intensity that lifts us high above the ordinary pain of existence. For us, these are the sure signs of 'true love'. The psychological package includes an unconscious demand that our lover or spouse always provide us with this feeling of ecstasy and intensity. With typical Western self-righteousness we assume that our notion of 'love', romantic love, must be the best. We assume that any other kind of love between couples would be cold and insignificant by comparison. But if we Westerners are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our approach to romantic love is not working well.

Despite our ecstasy when we are 'in love', we spend much of our time with a deep sense of loneliness, alienation, and frustration over our inability to make genuinely loving and committed relationships. Usually we blame other people for failing us; it doesn't occur to us that perhaps it is we who need to change our unconscious attitudes - the expectations and demands we impose on our relationships and on other people.

Robert A. Johnson, The Psychology Of Romantic Love, London: Arkana, 1983, pp.xi,xii. [390]

Christian marriage counselors usually define love more in terms of actions and decisions than feelings. We know God's love because he did something, not because he felt something. We are exhorted to love our spouses whether we feel like it or not. People who report that they no longer love their mates are urged to engage in a series of loving behaviors with the implicit promise that feelings will follow. The correct assumption behind this thinking is that the truth of God's Word is to be the basis for our actions. We are not to be led by our erratic emotions, but are to follow biblical instruction whether our feelings agree or rebel.

Larry Crabb, The Marriage Builder, Homebush West, N.S.W.: ANZEA, 1992, p.113. [113]

People fall in love, but they decide to stay in love. Emotions change like the weather, but love must be a determined commitment. 'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church' (Ephesians 5:25). 'Encourage the young women to love their husbands' (Titus 2:4). We must commit to love in a self-sacrificial way whether or not the love is reciprocated.

Jerry White, The Power of Commitment, Colorado Springs, Colorado: NavPress, 1985, p.88. [61]

Whilst it is true that he condemned hypocrisy, I have never been able to find even one instance in the New Testament in which Jesus bludgeoned someone into the kingdom of heaven by threats or bitter denunciations of their sinfulness. Perhaps it is time that the church reconsidered its position and tried things his way...

The Bible... makes it plain that God hates divorce, that is, he hates to see families broken up...

[But] when all [the] factors are balanced it is clear that the increase in the incidence of divorce is largely a symptom of serious underlying problems. The church would be far more effective if it sought to address those problems rather than simply making sweeping and condemnatory statements. Of course there are irresponsible and selfish people who betray their marriage vows without a qualm. Some of them may be found in our churches. Such people should be censured, though I would suggest privately rather than from the pulpit. But it is time the church recognised that such people are in the minority. Most of the divorced and separated people in our churches are among the ranks of the hurt and ashamed. They do not need intemperate diatribes to bring home to them a consciousness of guilt; they are wracked by it. To come to Christ with their hurt and their guilt should be a liberating experience. Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted. We have been entrusted with his great commission to proclaim the good news that all may be forgiven and reconciled to their Father. Yet like the Pharisees we so often bind heavy burdens on their shoulders which we make little effort to help them bear...

There is an urgent need for the church to endeavour to become the kind of caring and accepting community in which people with broken marriages can have their wounds bound and can receive assistance and encouragement in forging a new life. This is a challenge which the church has largely failed to take up or even recognise.

Ken Crispin, Divorce, The Unforgivable Sin?, Rydalmere: Hodder & Stoughton (Australia), 1988, pp.291-294. [338]

I love you, Not only for what you are But for what I am When I am with you.

I love you, Not only for what You have made of yourself But for what You are making of me.

I love you, For the part of me That you bring out; I love you, For putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart And passing over All the foolish, weak things That you can't help Dimly seeing there, And for drawing out Into the light All the beautiful belongings That no one else had looked Quite far enough to find. I love you because you Are helping me to make Of the lumber of my life Not a tavern But a temple; Out of works Of my every day Not a reproach But a song.

Roy Croft in Charles Swindoll, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, U.S.A.: Multnomah Press, 1983, pp.67-68. [135]

O the comfort, The inexpressible comfort, Of feeling safe with a person, Neither having to weigh thoughts Nor measure words... but pouring Them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain together... Certain that a faithful hand will Take and sift them, Keep what is worth keeping... And with a breath of kindness Blow the rest away.

Source unknown

Codependency is a compulsion to control and rescue people by fixing their problems. It occurs when a person's God-given needs for love and security have been blocked in a relationship with a dysfunctional person, resulting in a lack of objectivity, a warped sense of responsibility, being controlled and controlling others (three primary characteristics); and in hurt and anger, guilt, and loneliness (three corollary characteristics). These characteristics affect the codependent's every relationship and desire. His goal in life is to avoid the pain of being unloved and to find ways to prove that he is lovable. It is a desperate quest.

Pat Springle, Rapha's 12-Step Program for Overcoming Codependency, Dallas TX: WORD Inc., 1990, p.XIII. [101]

It goes without saying that in marriage, two wills are in operation at the same time. Sometimes, and especially in the early months of the marriage, the two wills are spontaneously congruent, and experienced as one. But as time goes by and early ecstasies are succeeded by routines and demands, what was experienced as a gift must be developed as an art. The art is willed passivity... Learning the art of willed passivity begins with appreciating the large and creative part passivity plays in our lives. By far the largest part of our life is experienced in the mode of passivity. Life is undergone. We receive. We enter into what is already there. Our genetic system, the atmosphere, the food chain, our parents, the dog - they are there, in place before we exercise our will... But there are different ways of being passive: There is an indolent, inattentive passivity that approximates the existence of a slug; and there is a willed and attentive passivity that is something more like worship. St. Paul's famous 'Wives be subject to your husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her' (Eph. 5:22-25) sets down the parallel operations of willed passivity.

Eugene H. Peterson, The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction, Carol Stream IL: Christianity Today, Inc and Word, Inc, 1989, pp.112-114. [198]

When I married, I did not expect John to understand me to the degree which I now expect... I find now that I want my husband to understand all that there is to know about me. I don't want any part of me to be hidden - even my secret hurts and vulnerability. Armed with such understanding, I want him to anticipate certain things which will cause me pain. But I need to realize that such a demand is probably unrealistic - the media have taught me first to want him to know these things and then to expect him to know them intuitively, without my even telling him.

Anne Townsend, Now and Forever: Christian Marriage Today, London: Fount Paperbacks, 1986, p.36. [107]

Deep sharing is overwhelming and very rare. A thousand fears keep us in check... the fear of breaking down, of crying; that the other will not sense the importance with which this feeling or memory is charged... How painful it is when such a difficult sharing falls flat either on ears too preoccupied or mocking, ears that in any case do not sense the tremendous significance of what we are saying. It may happen between a man and wife. The partner who has spoken in a very personal way without being understood falls back into terrible emotional solitude. It is impossible to overemphasise the immense need men have to really be listened to, to be understood. No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person. Misunderstood, he loses his self-confidence, he loses his faith in life or even in God.

Paul Tournier, Marriage Difficulties, Highland Books, 1984, pp.21-22. [153]

We must respect the differences and similarities there are between men and women so that we can each help the other to be more fully human. Too often, in the past, the Church has resorted to 'stereotyped roles' of men and women with little emphasis on the similarities of being human beings made in the image of God.

On the other hand, there is pressure in our present culture to blur the difference completely, and thus lose the sense of wonder and joy at the original creation intention of men and women being made for each other - equal but different.

Richard Winter, The Roots of Sorrow, Marshall, 1984, p.278. [278]

To encourage some people to exert their masculinity by cutting across other people's wishes is scarcely Christian, and is a recipe for disaster. However, where the wife respects her husband, where the husband honours his wife, where each in humility counts the other better than themselves, there is a basis for respect, mutual consultation, love and unity.

Valerie Griffiths, writing in Shirley Lees (ed.), The Role of Women, IVP, 1981, pp.70-71. [57]

The wife gives her 'self' when she gives herself sexually. She holds nothing back, and precisely in doing this she comes to her self-realization... Man is not nearly so deeply stamped and moulded by his sexual experience as is the case with the woman... Out of the centre of her nature the woman strives to make the totality of her experience correspond with her total submission to the man. Her goal is to make not only the physical side of the man her own, not merely once or temporarily, but rather to own the man's very self... Feminine sexuality... lies in the urge towards self-realization.

Helmut Thielicke, The Ethics of Sex, James Clarke, 1978, pp.81ff. [107]

All of which means that she cannot understand this masculine form of love, impulsive and of short duration. She would like her husband to love her as she does him, tenderly and continually. Such a lack of understanding can lead a wife as far as to feel a complete disgust for sexual union. That he should wish to have union with her when they have hardly cooled off from a heated argument is quite impossible for her to understand.

Paul Tournier, Marriage Difficulties, Highland books, 1984, p.46. [79]

Based on an informal survey of six hundred people who had maintained successful marriages, psychologist James Dobson arrived at 'three tried and tested, back to basics recommendations' for reducing the chances of divorce and for maintaining marital stability:

* A Christ-centred home where the husband and wife are deeply committed to Jesus Christ;

* A committed love in which nothing short of death is permitted to come between the couple (in contrast to the idea that 'I'll stay with you as long as I feel love for you'); and

* A never-ending willingness to work at maintaining good communication.

People are not looking for perfect marriages, but [for] marriages that keep working. But even these less-than-perfect marriages have evaded many in the baby boom generation. Marital instability has been taken for granted in this low-commitment era, and divorce has come to be seen as a reasonable way to get out of an unhappy marriage. As a result, the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world.

James C. Dobson, Love For a Lifetime: Building a Marriage that will Go the Distance, Portland: Multnomah, 1987, pp.49-66. [131]

R.C. Sproul once said that 'If you imagined your mother married to your father-in-law, and your father married to your mother-in-law, you'd have a good picture of the dynamics of your marriage.' I grew up in a home where my dad was a 'Mr. Fix-it.' When anything broke, he fixed it. Johnny grew up in a home where his dad wasn't interested in fixing things. It was his mother's job to call the repairman. One of our first misunderstandings as newlyweds was when an appliance broke. I kept hinting for Johnny to fix it, but to no avail. Finally in a fit of exasperation, I said, 'Why haven't you fixed it?' He responded, 'Why haven't you called the repairman?' I must admit that in the years since, he has become a better Mr. Fix-it, and I have called in a repairman a few times as well!

Susan Alexander Yates, And Then I Had Kids, England: Word (UK) Ltd, 1992, p.79. [153]

.....

A Prayer for Husbands:

Lord Jesus, gentle and strong, who related with tenderness to woman, to children, and to the marginalized, but also with prophetic to the enemies of God's love, give me a big dose of gentle strength for my wife. Help me to love her as you loved the church, a love that was willing to endure the ultimate sacrifice of death.

Help me to meet my wife's needs for genuine affection, for honest communication, for little surprises and common courtesies. Help me to listen to her feelings, not merely her words; to understand the differences between us that enrich our life together; to be willing to accept her as she is without wanting to change her.

Help me as I look into her eyes to give her the gift of openness, of trust, and security.

Help me to work hard to support her and the family financially. If my earnings are inadequate give me the gift of creativity to figure out ways of earning more or spending less.

Help me, however, to put my wife and family first. May I be faithful in the gift of listening time, the gift of my interested presence, and the gift of my learning and skills to those I love.

Sometimes I feel so inadequate. I confess my sins of neglect, of the idolatry of my vocation, of being second best when at home. Lord forgive me. I commit myself to you, to my wife and family. May I really believe that 'success' is unimportant anywhere if it is not a goal of my life at home.

I pray in your strong name. Amen.

A Prayer for Wives:

Jesus, tender lover of women and children, of his friends and the friendless, I come to you for a special gift of love for my husband and family. Lord, help me to respect him, not because he's perfect (you and I know he isn't), but because he is made in your image and you have commanded wives to respect their husbands, as you have also commanded husbands to love their wives.

Lord, I offer to you and to him my beauty - the beauty of a quiet, serene spirit and the beauty of my mind and my emotions and my body. Help me to be interested in the things he's interested in and be willing to share those interests with him.

Help me Lord to be willing to be an excellent sexual partner for him. Help us to talk freely about how we 'tick' so that our sexual life will be satisfying and enjoyable.

May our home be a haven of peace in a turbulent world, a place of quiet rest when life is too noisy and stressful. Help me to have the grace and strength to be a secure mother of our children; help us both to plan fun times together as a family. Help me to be interested in my husband's work and achievements; to be an interesting conversation- mate; and above all, help me to pray for him, for us, and for our family regularly.

I offer my life to you Lord. May I bring joy to you as I live in obedience to your perfect will.

Amen.

A Benediction

The riches of God's grace be upon you, that you may live together in faith and love and receive the blessings of eternal life. May almighty God, who creates you, redeems you and guides you, bless you now and always. Amen.