All About Families Newsletter
Volume 2 Number 47
December 15, 1997
Norman Bales, editor
CONTENTS
JUST VISITING
FEATURE STUDY: DEALING WITH TEMPTATION
IF I WERE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, I WOULD...
THE CHRIST-CENTERED WIFE
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?
(Part 2)
by Mikal Frazier
DEALING WITH TEMPTATION
by Norman Bales
INTRODUCTION
When we commit to marriage, we pledge lifelong faithfulness to one
spouse. In order to keep that pledge, we must learn to cope with
temptation.
In 1 Corinthians 10:13, the scriptures suggest that "temptation is
common to man." That means that none of us are spared the experience
of being tempted Not only does Paul insist that temptation is common
to man, but he also says that "God is faithful; he will not let you
be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he
will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." But
how does God provide the escape and how do we recognize the avenue of
escape when it is presented to us? The Hebrew writer contributes a
significant insight to anyone who is serious about finding the way of
escape. In Hebrews 2:17-18, he said that Jesus, ". . . had to be
made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a
merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he
might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself
suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being
tempted."
HOW JESUS HELPS US WHEN WE ARE TEMPTED
How does Jesus help us when we are tempted? In one sense of the
term, he helps us to put things back together when we have given in
to temptation. We have written a number of essays on forgiveness.
That's what the cross is about, but let's think about prevention.
It's far better to prevent falling into sin than to go through the
ordeal of picking up the pieces after the fact.
We can trust the example of Jesus to direct us away from the path
that would cause us to fall. We can trust him because according to
Hebrews 4:15, he "has been tempted in every way just as we are."
That means that the devil used every weapon in his arsenal on Jesus
and yet Jesus didn't stumble even one time. The devil played
hardball and Jesus never struck out. He lived through our worst
nightmares, felt our strongest urges, dealt with our most difficult
problems and yet he did not sin. Frances Havergal touched the
deepest level of our need when she wrote "Nobody knows, but Jesus.
Is it not better so? That no one else, but Jesus, my own dear Lord
shall know."
A SHORT COURSE IN CHRISTOLOGY
In order to enhance our appreciation for the example of Jesus as our
avenue of escape, let me talk with you just a little bit about
Christology. Christology is a fancy word that scholars like to use
to describe the nature of Christ - his work, his mission and so
forth. I'm not going to give you a long drawn out explanation of
Christology, but there is something we all need to know about the
nature of Christ when we deal with temptation. When Jesus was born
in Bethlehem, he was not, in the strictest terms, the son of Joseph
and Mary. He was God clothed in human flesh. Have you ever thought
what it must have been like for Joseph and Mary to have the Son of
God in their home. In one of his books (God Came Near), Max
Lucado wondered what went through Mary's mind when she changed God's
diapers, which is a way of saying that as incredible as it sounds,
God actually assumed human flesh in the person of Jesus. In John
1:1, the apostle wrote, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word
was with God, and the Word was God." The word here is not the Bible;
the word here is Jesus Christ. Notice verse 14 "The Word became
flesh and lived for a while among us." What does that mean in
practical terms? It means that Jesus felt our pain and dealt with
our problems.
A SHORT COURSE ON DEMONOLOGY
That's my abbreviated essay on Christology, but I also need to give
you a shortcourse on demonology. In the Bible, the prince of demons
is called Satan. The name Satan means "adversary." He is the enemy
of Christ and he is our enemy. Peter writes in 1 Peter 5:8, "Your
enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for
someone to devour." Jesus came to this world with a mission to save
people by dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Satan was
determined to do everything in his power to prevent that from
happening. From the beginning of Jesus' personal ministry until he
expired on the cross, Satan placed every enticement that he could in
front of Jesus. He tried every way in the world to encourage him to
deviate from the course he had chosen.
When we think about the temptation, we usually recall the wilderness
experience with temptation. We must understand that the devil didn't
just meet Jesus out in the wilderness, tempt him with three different
offers and then leave after he was rebuffed on all three counts.
Luke 4:13 says "When the devil had finished all this tempting, he
left him until an opportune time." There were many "opportune
times."
THE WILDERNESS TEMPTATIONS
Even though the devil tempted Jesus numerous times, it's helpful to
look at the temptation experience in the wilderness, because in those
three temptation episodes we do have insight into all the basic
approaches that Satan uses against us.
1. In the first temptation - the temptation to turn stones into
bread - we have an illustration of Satan's method of diverting our
attention from the main purpose of life.
On the surface the temptation looks quite innocent. Jesus was hungry
and as the Son of God he possessed miracle working power. Who could
blame him for turning stones into bread if he had the ability to do
so? There's nothing wrong with bread. Jesus even taught his
disciples to pray for their daily bread.
But when bread becomes the focus of life, when it consumes most of
our energy, most of our time, most of our attention - when it means
more to us than anything else, it's wrong and it's wrong for the
reason that Jesus said it was wrong. "Man does not live on bread
alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matthew
4:4).
Before you dismiss this form of temptation as one that doesn't apply
to you, make sure you don't miss the main point. You may be
thinking, "Well food isn't my temptation. I eat to live; I don't
just live to eat." Good enough, but bread is nothing but an
illustration of the method that Satan is using. The
"stones-to-bread" temptation was Satan's to divert the attention of
Jesus to secondary matters. Jesus might well have said, "Man does
not live on financial security alone." Or he could have said, "Man
does not live on achievement alone," or "Man does not live on his
dreams of success alone." "Man does not live on his desire for
prestige, position and popularity alone."
2. The second temptation - the temptation to jump off the pinnacle
of the temple which is a 450 foot drop from the pinnacle of the
temple to the bottom of the brook Kidron- illustrates Satan's plan to
encourage us to do things our own way instead of God's way.
For Jesus, the Father's way meant the cross. In John 12:32 Jesus
said, "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men
to myself." What did he mean when he said lifted up? The next
verse says, "He said this to show what kind of death he was going to
die." The plan of the Father was to draw all men to his son through
the cross. At the mount of temptation Satan was saying, "I've got a
better idea."
Have you ever thought about what might have happened if Jesus had
given in on this one? What would people think if he had pulled off
this remarkable feat of defying the laws of gravity? He probably
would have gained instant fame. People would stand in line for a
ticket to see him do it again longer than they would wait for Garth
Brooks tickets. He would have instant fame, instant credibility for
his claim to be the Son of God, and perhaps even more significantly a
sea of friendly audiences waiting to hear him teach. It's not hard
to see why it would have been tempting.
But even though he could have achieved instant marketability with
this death defying stunt, he didn't come to be the star attraction at
Madison Square Garden. In Matthew 20:28 he said "the Son of man did
not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom
for many." Leaping from the temple was not consistent with that
purpose.
Our temptation in this area may not come in the form of an
opportunity to perform on a stage, to have our talents displayed on
television, to be so popular that people will stand in line to buy
tickets just to get to see us. Our temptation comes when we want to
have things our own way, when we can seemingly justify altering or
substituting for God's way of doing things because the end result
will be that of accomplishing some great thing for the Lord. Jesus
would remind us that "It is written, "do not put the Lord to the
test" Do we not do that when we ask him to put a rubber stamp on the
plans we've already outlined, to endorse the things that we want to
do, when we are trying to make it appear that our purely selfish
goals are legitimate ways of serving God.
3. In some ways the third temptation is the most deceptive of all.
Satan actually had the audacity to try to sell Jesus something he
already owned. "Again the devil took him to a very high mountain
and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour.
"All this I will give you," he said, if you will bow down and worship
me." This is really a ludicrous offer. It's like a real estate
agent offering to sell you your own house or a car salesman trying to
get you to pay for a car you already own. Make no mistake about it.
What's in this world already belongs to Jesus. If Satan has control
of anything in it, he stole it. Observe the language of John 1:2,
"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that
has been made." Doesn't that say the world belongs to Jesus already.
And yet Satan had the audacity to try to sell it to him and what a
price he demanded, "All of this I will give you if you will bow down
and worship me." What he required was nothing less than a change of
allegiance, a repudiation of the Heavenly Father, and so Jesus
responded, "Away from me Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord
your God, and serve him only."
Has Satan ever tried to sell you something you already own? Has he
ever offered you access to something you already had the ability to
claim? What do most people want in life? Most people will tell you
they want to be happy. They want to have peace, fulfilment and joy.
There's nothing wrong with wanting those things and they are yours to
claim as a Christian, but every day the devil hits you with the same
message. "You can't have those things with God. God's interested in
telling you what you can't have. The only way you're going to have
anything you want is to do it my way." The one who makes that offer
is a blatant liar.
CONCLUSION
So we end up with three groups of temptations (1) the temptation to
make secondary things the main things, (2) the temptation to do
things our way instead of God's way and (3) the temptation to buy
from the devil those things we either already own or have title to.
Each temptation is strong; each temptation can be overcome with the
help of Jesus. He will help us keep our pledge of life long
faithfulness. You might say he is our "coping mechanism."
* * * * *
.
IF I WERE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, I WOULD...
THE CHRIST-CENTERED WIFE
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?
(Part 2)
by Mikal Frazier
The farmer was sitting on his front porch, a day's work done, with his
faithful hound at his feet. A neighbour came by for a chat and as he
sat there talking with his friend, he could hear an occasional groan
from the pooch at their feet. Finally, the guest said to his host,
"Why does that dog continue to groan?" The host said, "Well, he is
lying on a nail and it doesn't hurt enough to move."
As I consider with you what to say when you talk to yourself, first
you must decide if you really want to do something different. David
Schnarch said, "We move forward when our discomfort with the present
outweighs our fear of growth." Remember Jesus asked the invalid in
John 5:6, "Do you want to be healed?" In the beginning of this
series I shared with you the pain I at one time felt in my marriage.
It was during this time that I realized, I had to change myself. I
had spent an enormous amount of time and effort trying to get Jim to
change. But when I became uncomfortable enough, I began the real
work of becoming a Spirit-filled wife. Changing Jim was not the
answer; changing myself was. It is this process to which Schnarch is
referring when he says, "Stay in your marriage, that is where you
grow up." He called this the ". . . natural people-growing process
of marriage." Philip Guerin, et al., in _Working With Relationship
Triangles_ said, "Part of being a grown-up entails developing ease
at stepping up and assuming responsibility for one's own emotions and
the relationship behaviour that these emotions drive. (These folks
just don't know what a help the Holy Spirit can be in the process.)
So as you begin your new internal dialogue, ask yourself, "Do I really
want to be healed?" If you are ready to be healed, then you are ready
to stop futilely focusing on your partner as the source of your grief,
and begin focusing on yourself.
In my second article, I addressed God's command for marriage. There I
stated, "As long as you believe that breaking this covenant is an
option..., your marriage is most likely doomed" (AAF, Volume 2, Number
9). The question now is, "Do I trust Him enough to say, 'I can do all
things through Christ who strengthens me.'" (Philippians 4:13)? "Do I
really believe he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or
imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians
3:20)? If your answer is "Yes," then you are on the road to making
Him Lord of your life and becoming a Spirit-filled wife.
In Ephesians 5:18, Paul admonishes us to be "filled with the Spirit."
In Galatians 5:22, he tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is "love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control." There is no option. If we are choosing to be filled
with the Spirit, we WILL act with this kind of love and it WILL
produce joy and peace. "We are equipped" (AAF, Volume 2, Number 11).
His spirit equips us. Ask yourself if you are ready to obey Him,
calling on His power (Ephesians 3:14-21).
In this study I then addressed the concept of hope (AAF, Volume2,
Number 15). At the outset, I wanted you to understand that your
fulfilment can only come from abiding faith in Jesus as we look
forward to the "riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints"
(Ephesians 1:18). Your marriage can not be your God. As family
therapist/author Frank Pittman wrote "Marriage does not make you
happy, it just makes you married." Ask yourself, "Is a future with
Jesus and his glorious inheritance enough for me" (AAF, Volume 2,
Number 15)?
Further, in considering the transforming power of hope, I discussed
with you the fact that we have a choice in how we will respond to our
husbands (AAF, Volume 2, number 17). "Shall I function in my marriage
according to the World's standards, or will I choose to respond as
Jesus would respond?" Yes, WWJD is the question here. "What would
Jesus do?"
Teresa of Avila is quoted in David Lewis, et al. (_Dying to Tell_)as
saying, "Once we experience heaven, the worst of our earthly
sufferings will seem like one short night in a bad hotel." There is
pain in every marriage (unless you suffer from the Kathie Lee Gifford
syndrome). It is this pain that compels you to grow in Jesus. I
often tell my clients they must grieve the loss of the dream. As I
concluded my discussion of hope in Volume 2, Number 19, I wanted you
to understand that you can be "filled with an inexpressible and
glorious joy" because of the grace you have received (1 Peter 1:8,9).
It is from this fullness and joy that you will find pleasure in
choosing the behaviour of the Christ-centered wife. Now try the
following internal dialogue: "God has given me salvation in Jesus,
what else can matter? I will respond to my husband as Jesus would
have me respond."
In the article of Volume 2, Number 21, I attempted to convey the
immense sense of gratitude we will feel toward Jesus when we really
understand what He has done for us. As we begin to make choices
empowered by this gratitude we will experience "...being transformed
into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the
Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). The internal dialogue
here might be: "Because of the wonderful gift he has given me, it is
really a small thing for me to respond to my husband as Jesus would
have me respond. And I will be "...transformed into his likeness with
ever- increasing glory." What a payoff! This is akin to acting
yourself into a feeling, instead of the nearly impossible task of
feeling yourself into an action. Our gratitude motivates us, but as
we "reflect the Lord's glory, we become more like him with ever
increasing glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).
In my next article I will continue to look at our internal dialogue.
As I have asked you before, return to Ephesians 3:14-21, and allow
this to be your prayer as you change what you say to yourself.
NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Christmas Time and Families"
If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can
"ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her
address is <>
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