Last week I spoke at a conference of teachers from Christian schools, and led an elective for women only. The title they gave me: 'After 9000 hours of counseling women what have I learnt?'

At the beginning I asked the 45 women to complete three sentences, anonymously:

1. I believe women are...
2. As a woman I feel...
3. For me, God is...

I have summarized below what they wrote without organizing the reponses too rigorously (** means two etc. used the same words)

1. I BELIEVE WOMEN ARE...

Unique***, special, very special**, created in the image of God, 'great', blessed, highly esteemed by God, loved by God, important, intelligent, capable, capable of being whatever God wants them to be, with many different and special gifts, full of life, competitive, able, with a special serving role, spiritual, equal to (not inferior) but different from men***, a complement to men - a balance to relationships within a family, given vital roles in being mothers and support in marital relationships, honored to be the bearers of new life: endowed with a 'mother heart' - a part of the heart of God's love.

Hard working, busy, rushed, tired, struggling to find time to be mums and work, servants*** , givers, give strength/support for men/children/families, survivors, willing to work things through - wanting the best, setting examples in intimacy with others, strong, eager to please, sacrificial, never 'lie down and give up'...

Vulnerable, exploited, downtrodden, 'used up and abused'**, are not given enough recognition in a man's world, unappreciated and overworked, different to men yet able to do similar things, complement men but locked into roles and/or positions by people's misinterpretation of the Bible, society has forced them into certain roles/expectations... Frustrated at times, women have more to offer than they are given credit for. They have to work hard to feel they are equals with men (men have things handed to them that women have to earn), not always esteemed by the people closest to them, treated as inferior to men, tend to be considered 'easy game' to rip off by greedy businessmen, treated as servants and seen as 'too emotional' by men who find it hard to understand the emotion/feelings expressed...

Nurturers ('giving'), compassionate, warm, instinctively able to protect and love unconditionally ('provide intuitive love), emotional****, tearful, sorrowful, sensitive*****, gentle***, carers/caring*****, complicated (not black and white like the men I know), relationship-oriented**, more open to sharing their feelings than men... loving****, open, precious, warm, responsive to affirmation, feeling people*, listeners, able to empathize in meaningful ways... 'I enjoy their company and the intimacy they are prepared to share.'

Pathetic, sad creatures, overbearing, gossipy**, catty: 'women can be meaner/crueller than men'...

Artists, 'great actresses', gifted, many-faceted, creative***, able to think and feel on many levels... Beautiful, people with many beautiful qualities (one person: 'Yes, I'm beautiful, I think!'), lovely to know and look at...

Intellectually equal to men, but different in attributes, the are not allowed to be the person God wants them to be because of social and church constraints. Often misunderstood and always on the defensive... There are pressures on women to be everything all the time and to do it better, if they are to 'succeed'...

Capable of anything they wish to achieve, infinite potential for nurturing and leadership, called by God to reach their own potential and serve him, prepared to work hard for their personal growth, created in God's image to love and serve and complement men, given a special role to keep everything together as a family, 'the quiet strength of our society'...

2. AS A WOMAN I FEEL...

Special*****, and privileged, lucky, good, happy with being a woman, proud to be a woman, glad to be a woman, competent, worthwhile, wonderful, wonderfully fulfilled and satisfied, sometimes wonderful, great to be alive, full of life, 'natural', free to express myself, to be myself, loved, equal, well loved and honoured by my husband, admired by many for my abilities in organization - both at work and with my family. I have great responsibilities, am strong in character, gifted with insights and perceptions that can contribute to that of my husband's thoughts and feelings... appreciate and enjoy friendships with other women. I like the way I tend to more naturally know what others are feeling, and talk about my feelings...

I want to help; I am blessed with gifts of giving/helping others; I am nurturant, caring, responsive in my role as wife and mother, have a need to love and care for someone, to be a channel of love for others...

It is difficult these days for women. The issue of combining parenthood, work (paid!) and family is a big stress. Although women carry the load in the family and the nation, where is their quality of life? I feel overlooked by society; society puts big pressures on us - to look a certain way, be a certain person; I feel suppressed and imprisoned, confused, sad, scared, frustrated**, unloved, vulnerable, alone, lonely** (another: 'I feel secure in my family but lonely out in the world'), I have inadequate friendships - not as deep as I would like: I feel abused, frustrated that I'm not always deemed good enough/allowed to operate in the gifts God has given me because of prejudicial attitudes. Christians put more pressure on - women are told to 'serve' their husbands': where is her life?

I feel used**, overworked***, unaffirmed, unappreciated, lost, useless, inadequate to perform my roles, a juggler, inadequate to meet my own needs, misunderstood**, unequal, always struggling to prove I'm capable and worthy of respect; I feel I've missed out and been passed over professionally due to absence from the workplace while child-rearing. I feel resentful of male domination...

I feel happy about who I am, happy to be married, 'desired', content, (another: 'content at times'), challenged by the world; emotional, my emotional responses are deemed 'weaknesses'...

I feel pretty good about my sexuality, romantic; I sometimes feel sexy and sometimes not...

I feel unlovely, lovely, loved, attractive, fat**, undesirable, strong, content and smug, busy, burnt out, tired***, sad, second class, neglected, frustrated on behalf of others...

I want to be cared for, I want to understand more of myself - what makes me tick, I want to be admired...

I feel I'm multitasking, I have a variety of roles to fulfil, I feel frustrated in having to take second place - but this is also freeing. I'm not free to achieve all I believe I could. I feel I always have to fight to be seen as intelligent and worthy and yet not aggressive or too masculine. I feel I have to work harder to get the same results... I don't want to dominate men, I just want to work with them in a team. I believe I offer qualities that are different to men and will therefore complement them and their gifts**.

I have in me great strength when needed and the grace to need only the approval of God.

I feel both positive and negative about how circumstances (husband's work and family) impact on my ability to fulfil my vocation. I strive to know where I'm going...

I feel different from my mum because of my personality (outgoing) and my positive attitude...

I need 'filling' from God constantly...

3. FOR ME GOD IS...

'There!' Always there! The only answer, very real, alive, protective, just, in control of my life (and I'm glad that he is), the one who sets me free. God is always with me, always available, watching over me, leading me on, stable...

God is sometimes far away but not aloof.

God is all I have; I couldn't get by without him. God is the supplier of my needs, caring**, my intimate counselor, my guide and strength***, my friend******, an intimate friend, a gracious and caring friend, gentle, a constant, unchanging one who enables me to give and receive love, and who gives support***, security... One who accepts me, one who loves me** (just the way I am), who has gifted me.

God is good, compassionate, merciful, love, loving, faithful, affirming, proud of me and disappointed in me at times, gentle, the most loving and understanding of all those I relate to, 'a place to hide and rest from being me.'

God is real, one who answers my prayers, has made me into the person I am and will be, a lifeline - one who makes sense in a senseless world, trying to draw me out of darkness and despair...

God is changing in my perception, from a hard taskmaster and someone waiting to catch me out for doing wrong, to someone who is personal and deeply interested in me.

God is one whom I do not allow to give me strength enough, who doesn't hear my deepest pain. 'Sometimes you wonder...' God is quiet, very far away, distant**, not easily approached, hard to find, sometimes doesn't seem to fulfil my deepest needs, a little slow in changing the minds of loved ones.

God is big, demanding (expecting me to grow to my potential), awesome, magnificent, someone who deals out either prosperity or curse, fear and hard work; God is strong, powerful****, a God of justice.

God is personal in Jesus, Savior... An amazing creator, teacher, teaches me what is right, mentor, healer and redeemer, Lord of all... If I let go, God will provide the best of opportunities and pathways for me. God is constantly drawing me back to himself, always waiting and watching... 'For me God is a big cuddly teddy bear of comfort and protection...' One who wants me to be the best that I can be, wants me to grow in my relationship with him.

God is a spiritual being, neither male nor female, but having the traits of both: but if you have to make a choice, God is more male than female: this is a problem. God is male, Father***, a loving Father***, heavenly Father, an unconditionally loving Father who abundantly blesses me - his child. ME!!! A benevolent father who waits for me to speak to him and who loves me in a way no one else can; knows what is best for me, understands my deepest needs, cares for me and is concerned about every aspect of my life, gives me direction...

God is a protector but not a Father - father figures in my life have been a real disappointment to me... God being Father is both good and bad: sometimes he is non-responsive, does not answer me or meet my perceived needs.

God is one whom I trust as a Father because I had a great relationship with my Christian dad...

Shalom! Rowland Croucher