by Norman Bales

INTRODUCTION

What does it mean to be “head of the house?” Most people probably
think in terms of command and obedience. In an earlier essay, I
contended that a husband is “head (gr. kephale) of the wife” (Ephesians
5:23) and that headship involves the exercise of authority. Quite
often when men assert their “headship,” they think it means the right to
give orders.

Several years ago, I found myself in the unenviable position of
attempting to settle a dispute between two electricians who were had
contracted to install wiring in a new building. At separate times,
each the electrician came to me claiming to be the “head electrician.”
The second man seemed to have the more valid claim of the two. Having
asserted himself, he said, “How do you like that for a pecking order?”
If you’re serious about Biblical teaching, you’ll never concern
yourself with the “pecking order.”

Jesus set the standard for all our relationships when he said, “You
know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their high
officials exercise authority over them. Not so among you. Instead
whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant and whoever
wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not
come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for
many.” (Matthew 20:25-28).

DO WE REALLY WANT TO ELIMINATE AUTHORITY?

Those who attempt to redefine “headship” by erasing authority from
the definition use up a lot of energy fighting the wrong battle. The
question is not whether a “head” has authority or not. Jesus is head
“over everything for the church” (Ephesians 1:22). He taught “as one
having authority” (Matthew 7:29). He possesses “all authority in heaven
and on earth” (Matthew 28:18). “. . . he has been given authority to
judge because he is the Son of Man” (John 5:27). He is the “. . . head
over every power and authority” (Colossians 2:10). Note the closing
doxology in Jude’s short epistle – “to the only God our Savior be glory,
majesty, power and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all
ages, now and forevermore! Amen!

Without a doubt the “head” of the home has authority. He has
authority to “manage his family well and see that his children obey him
with proper respect” (1 Timothy 3:4). Then there’ the passage that
looks offensive to most of us if we view it through the lens of
contemporary culture. “For this is the way the holy women of the past
used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own
husbands like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You
are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”
(1 Peter 3:5-6). The husband’s assignment as head of the family
involves accepting responsibility, making decisions and protecting those
he leads. It is not in anyone’s best interest to take that away from
him.

JESUS POINTS US TO A DIFFERENT LEADERSHIP STYLE

The difference between demanding authority according to worldly
standards and exercising family authority in a Christ-like manner is one
of style. Jesus observed the autocratic style of leadership that
prevailed among the Gentiles and declared it out of bounds. Even
church leaders are forbidden to use threat, intimidation, and coercion.
They must not be “lords over God’s heritage” (1 Peter 5:3 KJV).

The Jesus-style of leadership is a servant style. There are two
words words in the Greek language, which are sometimes translated
“servant.” One is “diakonos” which means a table servant. The other
is “dulos” which means a slave. When the mother of James and John
requested places of prominence for her sons in the kingdom, Jesus turned
their whole idea about important upside down. He said, “whoever wants
to be first must be your slave.” How many husbands demand the
position of slave?

HUSBANDS AS SERVANTS

Some years ago, I read a magazine article on “headship” in a
religious publication. The writer of the article described how
seriously one family took the matter of headship. If the couple in
question happened to be socializing with other couples, the wife would
always look to her husband and wait for him to nod before speaking.
Thus did she acknowledge him as the head of the family and indicate her
submission. I don’t require my wife to practice such nonsense and I
would probably be told that if I really think I have the right to impose
such a rule, then I’m a candidate for a straight jacket. My wife is
assertive, opinionated and proactive, but she is also submissive. I
don’t know anyone who has a bigger servant-heart and that’s the essence
of submission.

But instead of worrying about what my wife does and does not do to
prove her submission, maybe I ought to think about what I’m doing to
emulate the servant example set by Jesus. When Jesus washed the feet
of his disciples, he performed, the dirtiest, least desired, low-status
task of that day and time. He connected that event with leadership.
He said, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you
also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you
should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is
greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who
sent him. Now that you know these things you will be blessed if you do
them” (John 13:13-17).

He wasn’t talking about a church ceremony. He was talking about
leading by doing the stuff nobody really wants to do. Will a
servant-leader decide he’s too good to vacuum floors? Will he risk
getting stung to remove the wasp nest under the eaves of the house? Will
he mop us the water when a glass gets knocked over at the table? Perhaps
these are some of the ways we wash feet in today’s world.

In his book The Jesus Style, Gayle Erwin wrote, “One who leads in
the style of Jesus does not use forms of coercion, nor does he depend on
institutional position for authority. Instead by serving people, he
leads as they recognize his ability and choose voluntarily to follow.”
(p. 58).

CONCLUSION

While I think the feminists are wrong and extreme in some of the
agendas they promote, I believe I understand some of their motives. If
men look upon women as property and treat them like dirt under their
feet, they shouldn’t be surprised when women resist. It’s human
nature to resist when other tries to force compliance with their will,
but it is not difficult for a Godly woman to yield to a husband who
makes himself her slave.

Related Articles:

• The Parents Poem (Robert Bly)
• Gay man opposes gay marriage
• Being a Pastor Doesn’t Automatically Make You a Sex Therapist
• Is the Men’s Movement Dead?
• Making a Will

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