Cleaning up the wreckage left by a tornado, flood or hurricane is a simple task compared to the task of cleaning up the mess left by the storm of adultery. Can the mess be cleaned up? It can be done, but you should know that its easier to clean up the debris left by a tornado than it is to clean up the wreckage of a broken marriage covenant.

I'm not going use my space to moralize. If you're reading this column, I'm going to assume that you already have enough intelligence to know that adultery is sinful If you have any doubt, I would encourage you to check out Malachi 2:13-14; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and Galatians 5:19-21 in your Bible.

Anyone who commits adultery dishonors the marriage covenant, backs away from legitimate responsibility and violates a sacred oath. Trust, the foundation pillar of marriage, is shattered, which in turn threatens the continuation of the marriage. In his book, Private Lies, therapist Frank Pitman said, ". . . infidelity is a breach of trust, a betrayal of a relationship, a breaking of an agreement" (p. 20). Pitman's book is a devastating indictment of adultery from a secular viewpoint. To him the great wrong lies in the fact that an affair cannot be conducted in total honesty with all parties.

Can that breach of trust be rebuilt? My answer is that it can, if both parties sincerely want to clean up the mess and if they are willing to work at it over a long period of time. Their efforts will be successful only if they observe the following principles:

1. The person who has committed adultery must be willing to accept a high degree of accountability. A certain amount of freedom must be voluntarily surrendered. In the beginning this means telling where you've been, how long you were there and what you were doing there.

2. The person who was the "victim" of an affair must be willing to take some risks. You simply cannot rebuild trust if you are never willing to trust. You must let go of the natural instinct to build a prison, without walls, against the spouse whose infidelity has hurt you. Is there a possibility that you might get hurt again? Absolutely. But if you're not willing to run that risk, you will not be able to salvage the relationship. 3.Forgiveness is like medicine. It takes more than one dose. When two people decide to work on cleaning up the mess, they want to put the past behind them and go on with their lives, it is easy to verbalize a willingness to forgive. But you have only verbalized your goal. The hurt will resurface many times. Each time it resurfaces, you must mentally declare your intention to forgive. If you do it enough times, the occasions of emotional pain will become fewer and farther between.

No one should expect to clean up the debris overnight. In most cases it will take a period of years to rebuild the relationship, but if you will persevere, your marriage will eventually be stronger than it was before the storm came through.