by Norman Bales

Introduction

What does it mean to be "head of the house?" Most people probably think in terms of command and obedience. In an earlier essay, I contended that a husband is "head (gr. kephale) of the wife" (Ephesians 5:23) and that headship involves the exercise of authority. Quite often when men assert their "headship," they think it means the right to give orders.

Several years ago, I found myself in the unenviable position of attempting to settle a dispute between two electricians who were had contracted to install wiring in a new building. At separate times, each the electrician came to me claiming to be the "head electrician." The second man seemed to have the more valid claim of the two. Having asserted himself, he said, "How do you like that for a pecking order?" If you're serious about Biblical teaching, you'll never concern yourself with the "pecking order."

Jesus set the standard for all our relationships when he said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so among you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:25-28).

Do We Really Want To Eliminate Authority?

Those who attempt to redefine "headship" by erasing authority from the definition use up a lot of energy fighting the wrong battle. The question is not whether a "head" has authority or not. Jesus is head "over everything for the church" (Ephesians 1:22). He taught "as one having authority" (Matthew 7:29). He possesses "all authority in heaven and on earth" (Matthew 28:18). ". . . he has been given authority to judge because he is the Son of Man" (John 5:27). He is the ". . . head over every power and authority" (Colossians 2:10). Note the closing doxology in Jude's short epistle - "to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen!

Without a doubt the "head" of the home has authority. He has authority to "manage his family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect" (1 Timothy 3:4). Then there' the passage that looks offensive to most of us if we view it through the lens of contemporary culture. "For this is the way the holy women of the past used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear" (1 Peter 3:5-6). The husband's assignment as head of the family involves accepting responsibility, making decisions and protecting those he leads. It is not in anyone's best interest to take that away from him.

Jesus Points Us To A Different Leadership Style

The difference between demanding authority according to worldly standards and exercising family authority in a Christ-like manner is one of style. Jesus observed the autocratic style of leadership that prevailed among the Gentiles and declared it out of bounds. Even church leaders are forbidden to use threat, intimidation, and coercion. They must not be "lords over God's heritage" (1 Peter 5:3 KJV).

The Jesus-style of leadership is a servant style. There are two words words in the Greek language, which are sometimes translated "servant." One is "diakonos" which means a table servant. The other is "dulos" which means a slave. When the mother of James and John requested places of prominence for her sons in the kingdom, Jesus turned their whole idea about important upside down. He said, "whoever wants to be first must be your slave." How many husbands demand the position of slave?

Husbands As Servants

Some years ago, I read a magazine article on "headship" in a religious publication. The writer of the article described how seriously one family took the matter of headship. If the couple in question happened to be socializing with other couples, the wife would always look to her husband and wait for him to nod before speaking. Thus did she acknowledge him as the head of the family and indicate her submission.

I don't require my wife to practice such nonsense and I would probably be told that if I really think I have the right to impose such a rule, then I'm a candidate for a straight jacket. My wife is assertive, opinionated and proactive, but she is also submissive. I don't know anyone who has a bigger servant-heart and that's the essence of submission.

But instead of worrying about what my wife does and does not do to prove her submission, maybe I ought to think about what I'm doing to emulate the servant example set by Jesus. When Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, he performed, the dirtiest, least desired, low-status task of that day and time. He connected that event with leadership. He said, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things you will be blessed if you do them" (John 13:13-17).

He wasn't talking about a church ceremony. He was talking about leading by doing the stuff nobody really wants to do. Will a servant-leader decide he's too good to vacuum floors? Will he risk getting stung to remove the wasp nest under the eaves of the house? Will he mop us the water when a glass gets knocked over at the table? Perhaps these are some of the ways we wash feet in today's world.

In his book The Jesus Style, Gayle Erwin wrote, "One who leads in the style of Jesus does not use forms of coercion, nor does he depend on institutional position for authority. Instead by serving people, he leads as they recognize his ability and choose voluntarily to follow." (p. 58).

Conclusion

While I think the feminists are wrong and extreme in some of the agendas they promote, I believe I understand some of their motives. If men look upon women as property and treat them like dirt under their feet, they shouldn't be surprised when women resist. It's human nature to resist when other tries to force compliance with their will, but it is not difficult for a Godly woman to yield to a husband who makes himself her slave.