* Note: All “real men” answer “C” to all of these questions. Know this, and
you will have come far in understanding them and enriching your own life.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are
the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they
present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of
curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out
hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over
the entire Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the Prime Minister.
B. Present it to the Secretary
General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the
most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Fire crackers.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the pope. (Not on the
lips).
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only
really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to
have him killed.

4. What about hugging another male?

A. If he’s your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If
you’re performing the Heimlich manoeuvre.
C. If you’re a professional Footy
player and a teammate scores the goal to win the World Cup, you may hug him
provided that: You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause
fractures.

5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon
the two of you are taking it easy – you’re watching a rugby game; she’s reading
the papers – when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she
thinks she really loves you, but she can nolonger bear the uncertainty of not
knowing where your relationship is going. She says she’s not asking whether you
want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future
together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don’t
want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
cannot honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That
you cannot believe the Wallabies lost to South Africa two weeks ago.

7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
share with her all of the joys and sorrows that the world has to offer, come what
may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You
take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns
to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars her eyes, you tell
her.
C. Tell her what?

8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. “Do they need to eat or anything?”
B. “They’re in school already?”
C. “There are three of them?”

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they
finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the
Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for
directions.

10. What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.

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