'No Place to hide' from 'The missing Piece' by Lee Ezell. She describes the events that took place immediately after becoming a victim of a brutal rape as a teenager. Lee fell pregnant because of this rape, and bravely chose to have her baby and give her up for adoption.

No Place to hide

"No one looked up as I opened the front door of the apartment. In the darkened living room, my mother and sisters were preoccupied with some television program. I quickly slipped down the hall to the bedroom I shared with my 13-year old sister Kay. Grabbed a nightgown, then entered the bathroom and locked the door. I now felt an intense need to rid my body of the guilt and the sense of feeling dirty. As I stripped off my soiled clothes, I wanted to throw them away, for they would always remind me of this awful night. But I knew I wouldn't be able to explain that.

My 'recovery room' became the shower. I let the warm water pour over me and soothe my hurting body. However, the water could not wash away the emotions of a broken soul. Safe for a moment in the noise of the shower, I let the tears flow. With those tears, it was as if the youth of my life ran out of me.

I was lonely, guilty, dirty, full of fear. It had been a long time since I had known that helpless feeling of being controlled physically by a man. Resentment was beginning to seethe in me like a rumbling volcano.

"Chastity should not be a luxury for a woman", I thought. How I longed for loving arms to surround me and allow me to cry my heart out! I needed someone to comfort me, a person who was sympathetic and understanding.

As I washed my defiled body, uncontrollable sobs escaped from my soul and became part of the cleansing water. When I finished washing, I stood under the warm water as long as possible. Finally, to avoid any questions from my mother and sisters, I forced myself to turn off the water. As I dried myself, the bath towel felt almost too heavy to lift and pull over my body. Each normally effortless task consumed all of my concentration and energy. When I finished drying, I slipped into my cool cotton nightgown, shuffled to my room, and fell into bed. The blankets formed a cocoon around me, isolating me from the world. But they couldn't protect me from my turbulent emotions."