A friend I met on alt.abuse.recovery newsgroup sent this: > What follows my long rambling is a poem I first saw in an Ann Landers > column, dated Jan 21, 1999. I saved it, and posted it on my website, > along with free in America > hotline numbers and crisis numbers, as well as links to further hotline > number resources, for everything from Battered Women to Teen Crisis to > Alcohol and Narcotics to Suicide to Cancer. > > Domestic violence can happen to ANYBODY, as can any other kind of crisis. It > can be found in every social class, every income level, and among all races. > It can be found in families of all faiths. It can happen to career women, > and to women who wear the title of homemaker. It can be someone in your own > family, who has never spoken of what she endures. > > Women stay for a variety of reasons...they learn powerlessness, they learn > low self-esteem, they have no money, they are told it is their fault, or > they fear for their lives if they do leave. (A woman is at the greatest risk > of being murdered by her boyfriend or spouse when she leaves him). Also, > one of the characteristics of domestic violence is social isolation: the > abusing partner, out of jealousy and control, often systemetically cuts off > all of her social contacts, until she has few friends, and little contact > with them. A victim of domestic violence can also end up peniless and > homeless when she leaves: I have worked at transitional housing shelters, > and many, if not most of the women there had a history of being victimized > by their husbands or boyfriends, and were fleeing the violence. Some had > survived murder attempts by these men, and still bore nasty scars. Hospital > emergency room records show that around HALF of all women coming through the > ER are there because of or have a recent history of domestic violence. Of > murder victims, for men, most are murdered by stranger or acquaintances. > Women who are killed are most likely to be murdered by their husband or > boyfriend. > > Men can also be the victim of domestic violence, though the numbers are far > fewer. They may be less likely to speak of it, for they face also the > ridicule by others: men are supposed to be "in control". > > Victims of abuse are sometimes told to stay in the relationship, because it > "can't be all that bad", or "it is your responsibility to save the marriage, > and if you were a better wife he wouldn't beat you", or "it is a sin to > divorce", or "he is such a nice guy, you must be wrong about this"... > > Many abusers can be "Jeckyl and Hyde"...one person to outsiders, another > person entirely behind closed doors. > > Do not ask "Why does she stay"? Ask instead "Why does he choose violence?" > > It may take a number of tries for a woman to break free of the cycle of > abuse. Do not disbelieve the sincerity of their pain or of their intent. She > is literally often taking her life in her hands with this decision, and > because of the tangled nature of the relationship, she still may, despite > his viciousness, still love him and hope that things will get better. > Unfortunately, though he may be contrite for a while, unless he also seeks > help, the cycle usually continues. > > The poem expresses it very well. Please pass it on (even if you strip my > letter from it). It may save a life. > > Respectfully, > > Wulf > aka > DayStarWarrior (Yahoo Chat) > aka > Coyote Lokison, LPN, LSW > ICQ#4157842 > > ************************************************************* > > "I Got Flowers Today" > > I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any > other > special day. We had our first argument last night, > And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. > I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said > because he sent me flowers today. > > I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any > other special day. Last night, he threw me into a > wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a > nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up > this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must > be sorry, because he sent me flowers today. > > I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any > other special day. Last night, he beat me up again > And it was much worse than all the other times. If I > leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my > kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared > to leave. But I know he must be sorry, because he > sent me flowers today. > > I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It > was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally > killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered > enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not > have gotten flowers today. > > STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TODAY!!! DO NOT TOLERATE > IT!!!!!