A friend I met on alt.abuse.recovery newsgroup sent this:
> What follows my long rambling is a poem I first saw in an Ann Landers
> column, dated Jan 21, 1999. I saved it, and posted it on my website,
> along with free in America
> hotline numbers and crisis numbers, as well as links to further hotline
> number resources, for everything from Battered Women to Teen Crisis to
> Alcohol and Narcotics to Suicide to Cancer.
>
> Domestic violence can happen to ANYBODY, as can any other kind of crisis. It
> can be found in every social class, every income level, and among all races.
> It can be found in families of all faiths. It can happen to career women,
> and to women who wear the title of homemaker. It can be someone in your own
> family, who has never spoken of what she endures.
>
> Women stay for a variety of reasons…they learn powerlessness, they learn
> low self-esteem, they have no money, they are told it is their fault, or
> they fear for their lives if they do leave. (A woman is at the greatest risk
> of being murdered by her boyfriend or spouse when she leaves him). Also,
> one of the characteristics of domestic violence is social isolation: the
> abusing partner, out of jealousy and control, often systemetically cuts off
> all of her social contacts, until she has few friends, and little contact
> with them. A victim of domestic violence can also end up peniless and
> homeless when she leaves: I have worked at transitional housing shelters,
> and many, if not most of the women there had a history of being victimized
> by their husbands or boyfriends, and were fleeing the violence. Some had
> survived murder attempts by these men, and still bore nasty scars. Hospital
> emergency room records show that around HALF of all women coming through the
> ER are there because of or have a recent history of domestic violence. Of
> murder victims, for men, most are murdered by stranger or acquaintances.
> Women who are killed are most likely to be murdered by their husband or
> boyfriend.
>
> Men can also be the victim of domestic violence, though the numbers are far
> fewer. They may be less likely to speak of it, for they face also the
> ridicule by others: men are supposed to be "in control".
>
> Victims of abuse are sometimes told to stay in the relationship, because it
> "can’t be all that bad", or "it is your responsibility to save the marriage,
> and if you were a better wife he wouldn’t beat you", or "it is a sin to
> divorce", or "he is such a nice guy, you must be wrong about this"…
>
> Many abusers can be "Jeckyl and Hyde"…one person to outsiders, another
> person entirely behind closed doors.
>
> Do not ask "Why does she stay"? Ask instead "Why does he choose violence?"
>
> It may take a number of tries for a woman to break free of the cycle of
> abuse. Do not disbelieve the sincerity of their pain or of their intent. She
> is literally often taking her life in her hands with this decision, and
> because of the tangled nature of the relationship, she still may, despite
> his viciousness, still love him and hope that things will get better.
> Unfortunately, though he may be contrite for a while, unless he also seeks
> help, the cycle usually continues.
>
> The poem expresses it very well. Please pass it on (even if you strip my
> letter from it). It may save a life.
>
> Respectfully,
>
> Wulf
> aka
> DayStarWarrior (Yahoo Chat)
> aka
> Coyote Lokison, LPN, LSW
> ICQ#4157842
>
> *************************************************************
>
> "I Got Flowers Today"
>
> I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any
> other
> special day. We had our first argument last night,
> And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
> I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said
> because he sent me flowers today.
>
> I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any
> other special day. Last night, he threw me into a
> wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a
> nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up
> this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must
> be sorry, because he sent me flowers today.
>
> I got flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any
> other special day. Last night, he beat me up again
> And it was much worse than all the other times. If I
> leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my
> kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared
> to leave. But I know he must be sorry, because he
> sent me flowers today.
>
> I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It
> was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally
> killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered
> enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not
> have gotten flowers today.
>
> STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TODAY!!! DO NOT TOLERATE
> IT!!!!!