By Norman Bales

According to a statement we found on an "anger management" site on the WEB, "One out of five Americans has an anger management problems." It takes many different twists and turns, but poorly handled anger lies at the root of many of the social problems that affect American society, including road rage, spouse abuse, violence in the workplace, school violence, marital dissension, family resentments and parent-child conflicts. The author of Proverbs reminds us "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).

FEELINGS AND ANGER The Biblical writers do not speak against the feeling of anger. In Ephesians 4:26, Paul said, "In your anger, do not sin." Does he not imply that it is possible to feel anger without sinning? Chris Bullard wrote, "Anger is a God-given emotion. Thus anger is not wrong. Even Jesus was angry on occasions (cf. Mark 3:4). It is what anger often leads us to do that is wrong."

We were not wrong when we felt like the impatient driver in New Mexico adopted unreasonable roadhog tactic in order to get in front of a long line of cars. He endangered our lives as well as his own. He lacked consideration for other drivers on the road; not to mention the fact that he probably broke several statutory laws imposed by the state of New Mexico. (Where are the state troopers when you need them?) How are we to handle an event like that? Make excuses for him? (Perhaps he was rushing someone to the hospital, but if so he was going away from the nearest town) Offer some kind of philosophical explanation ("there but for the grace of God go I")? Admire his nerve and grit (take his license number and recommend him as a candidate to drive on the NASCAR circuit). We're not inclined to think that any of these responses is either Christian or reasonable.

But how do we respond. Ramon Corrales, a marriage and family therapist from the Kansas City area, suggests that we should go ahead and feel our anger. He says that we need to "feel what we feel." It will not improve anything if we deny our feelings. Christians have a special problem here. Sometimes we think that it reduces the quality of our faith to admit we have negative feelings. We think it cheapens and degrades us to admit that we are angry. Norman will frankly confess to you that he spent many years denying his negative feelings. He thought it was sinful to feel angry, so he refused to admit that he was angry. On the other hand, Ann felt she needed to "vent" her anger and did so many times in very unhealthy ways (throwing things, putting holes in walls, slamming doors to name a few). Nashville based therapist Gary Chapman believes there are two kinds of anger - the explosive kind and the implosive kind. We are all familiar with the explosive kind. Sometimes it's call venting. Sometimes it's called "letting it all hang out" (Ann's former way of handling her anger). Christians are quick to recognize the shortcomings of explosive anger. According to Proverbs 30:33, " . . .stirring up anger produces strife."

Implosive anger is the anger we hold within ourselves. Norman did it for years, but eventually learned that it did not improve relationships. Resentments can be expressed in many different ways. A person, who holds anger within, can become punitive, judgmental, vindictive and worst of all indifferent. At this point some people would say that explosive anger is to be preferred over implosive anger. Ann learned that explosive anger does not improve relationships either and after the "explosion" is over the individual is left with a lot of guilt and regret. We agree with Chapman. They are both equally destructive. Paul warns against implosive anger when he says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26) But he also tells us to "In your anger, do not sin." Accepting the fact that our angry feelings are neither right or wrong can be liberating. You don't have to say, "I shouldn't feel that way." You don't have to feel rotten because you felt an angry response, but if you think we're going to let you off the hook and say that you have no responsibility toward managing anger, then you miss our point completely.

Learn From Your Feelings Corrales believes that your feelings of anger can lead to a blessing (he used the term "treasure"). How can your angry feelings become a blessing? It provides you with an opportunity to look within yourself and figure out why you are angry. We all have the capacity to reason and prioritize. When you have an angry feeling, you might want to ask yourself the question, "On a scale of one to ten, how important is the event that produced a negative feeling within me?" Several years ago an avid football fan, who attended the church where we worshipped, became angry when an officials call went against his team and caused his team to lose. He had been scheduled to lead public prayer at the church service that night. He asked to be replaced. He was so angry he didn't feel like talking to God in public. We honored his request, but if he had measured his anger on a scale of one to ten, it probably wouldn't have rated more than a two. On the other hand, when the guy forced us off the improved surface of the roadway, even in retrospect, I would say our anger level was somewhere around seven or eight. If we simply employed the device of measuring the intensity of the anger-producing event, we might be able to head off many domestic arguments before they get started.

Evaluate Your Feelings To tell you the truth, we don't always think our feelings are righteous. Feelings are what they are, but feelings may well reflect biases and distorted perspectives. But there is such a thing as "righteous indignation." That's what Jesus felt when he drove the moneychangers out of the temple (John 2:12-25). When a troubled wife calls anonymously to tell us about a violent and abusive husband, we have angry feelings. When an abused wife calls to say that her church is telling her that she must remain with the husband and take the abuse, that it is her fault because she hasn't been submissive, we become even more angry. We may say things like "What Bible are those idiots reading?" "Have they forgotten the verses that talk about a man loving his wife as his own body and the one that talks about dwelling his wife with consideration and respect?" If that kind of nonsense doesn't make you mad, you're not going to get mad at much of anything. These things make us angry and we believe, such anger is justified.

Of course that won't always be the case. Our feelings may also reveal our pettiness. When that happens, we need to realize there are bigger things in the world to spend our time and energy on. Regardless of how we come out, it is very important to ask ourselves, "What did we learn about ourselves from our anger?"

Plan Your Actions Your actions may be determined by what you learn about your feelings. Going back to the car episode. What kind of actions could we take? We didn't get his license number, so we couldn't report him to the state troopers. We are in a calmer frame of mind now and we can think of two positive actions. (1)

We can pray for the driver. We can pray that he will exercise more caution on the road in the future. We can pray that he will not injure himself or anyone else with his careless driving habits. (2) We can rethink our own driving strategy. It is an encouragement to help us realize that our own impatience can place the lives of other in jeopardy.

In every anger-producing event there is a lesson to be learned. We need to deal with our anger. Sometimes that will mean confrontation with the individual who is responsible for the event. At other times we will need to reassess our own contributions to the anger-producing event. In every case, we need to recognize the worth of those with whom we share relationships. We need to treat them with courtesy and respect. We need to make it our goal to build bridges, not tear them down.