HOW'S YOUR BODY IMAGE?

SCRIPTURE: 'God saw all that God had made, and behold it was very good'. Genesis 1:31

Drama was always, and still is, one of my true loves.As far back as I can remember, I loved to play 'dress-ups', and I would eye myself in the mirror from every angle, laughing, and pointing, and making all kinds of unusual voices back at my image. I loved to sing joyfully, like a prima donna, and I would dance as a ballerina, and waltz with my teddy bear. 'Becoming' a circus performer was my greatest love, and I would leap on top of the piano and pretend it was my horse, bowing and tipping my hat to the 'audience'. In short, I was completely free within myself. I had few, if any, inhibitions.

One day, as I was strolling down to the park with my Daddy, and chatting away merrily about the secondhand bike I knew he was painting for my ninth birthday, suddenly everything changed. He put his arm over my shoulder and began stroking my nipples!!..He had never done this to me before, but it felt very strange; I was uneasy and wriggled around to get free, but he only held me tighter, in a fierce kind of way, and he continued to roughly stroke and rub at these bits of me which I didn't think he had ever noticed about me before.

That night, sitting in the bath, I took a very hard look at these nipples, to find to my amazement that they were both swelling up - poking out a bit like my older sisters'. "Not as swollen as theirs", I thought, but they were certainly not flat any more like they had always been. I felt angry, confused, frustrated with these 'bits' of my anatomy. There were other parts of me I hated, but now I had even more to be ashamed of. Something must be wrong with them; otherwise why was Daddy suddenly stroking them?

From that day on, I became extremely self-conscious about my budding womanhood. Daddy kept finding ways to touch them, squeeze them, stroke them, and all at once wanted to bath me every night. I resented this enormously, because I was, after all, nine years old, and quite capable of washing myself!

As the years past, I grew to hate the new shape I was - looking like a young woman was just the worst! I began to eat, and eat, to hide myself into one large balloon, so no-one could tell exactly what shape I really was. When I was sixteen, I decided to do the exact opposite. Why should I have to be ashamed of being a young lady? I dieted, spent hours preening my hair, nails, grooming, exercises, yet deep down I always felt I was really 'the balloon' I hated so much. Often, as the years passed, I would receive compliments that I looked beautiful, or pretty, but even in my forties I felt 'put down' by anyone noticing my appearance. I wanted to look pretty for me, not for others to look at - or touch!!!

I believe God chose for me just the right kind of caring, gentle and loving man, and my husband has proven to me over and over again that it isn't just my body he enjoys (though he likes it!), but all of me - my character, my mothering skills, my career interests, my studies, my hobbies - he loves the 'whole package', not just my shape. This includes many weaknesses as well as strengths, and while I still have a way to go with this issue, I can see myself much more as a total person now!

PRAYER: Jesus, thank you that you are much more interested in my heart, my inner character, my motives, my use of time, what I think about and talk about, read and watch, and who I am on the inside, than any outward appearance. However, help me also to respect and care for my body, not as a 'sex object' for a wayward father, but as a public representation to the world of your goodness and creativity, and my personality, interests, and of the total person you have made for me to be.

TODAY: Make a list of your 'whole person' strengths, not just your outward appearance - unless you would like to. List your hobbies, your desires, your deepest longings, your hopes and dreams. Commit your 'whole' way to the Lord, that God will use you in the exact way already designed for you.

2002. Copyright. Julie-Anne Wingate. All rights reserved.