What's In A Name? Part 1

Thinking maturely about the Christian faith

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What’s In A Name? Part 1

By Rowland Croucher and others ⋅ January 5, 2003 ⋅ Post a comment

SCRIPTURE: And God’s name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:66.

Nicknames often refer to a person’s nature. God as expressed in the Bible is often given names which have meanings which describe aspects of character. My father loved to use nicknames as a way of sending secret messages to me. If he was happy with me or we were in public, he called me “Rosebud” which inferred I was sweet, gentle, fragile. When I did something wrong he referred to me as “Sausage”, which was his way of telling me a was a ditherer or even a bit stupid. If he was angry it was “Child!”. This gave me a sense of anonymity; that I meant absolutely nothing to him. It denied my personhood altogether.

But the name I hated the most was “Sunbeam”.It sounded so innocent, and later on one of my sisters told me she was quite envious when he called me such a beautiful name.To me though, it had quite a frightening connotation.I soon learnt that an innocuous reference at teatime like….. ” Would you pass me the salt, Sunbeam”, was Dad’s way of informing me that he was planning to come into my bedroom that night to really hurt me. I was in my early primary school years and had no comprehension of what he was actually doing to me, but I knew it was unbelievably painful, and I knew I would be unable to stop him.

When he called me “Sunbeam” I could never eat my tea. Father would announce (in a caring way) that I looked pale and he would check on me during the night. Mother always thanked him for this, so I thought it was meant to be a good thing, yet I was so terrified I knew exactly what was meant and what would happen that night. I therefore did immediately become pale and felt nauseous. I could not eat one more mouthful.

I could never sleep during those nights. I would lie in bed terrified, tossing and turning, waiting in horror as to what he might do to me. The usual scenario went something like this: I would be fast asleep, when suddenly I would become aware of very heavy breathing right beside my ear!! I would wake up, stiff, too scared to move. My father would then lie along my bed, on top of the bedclothes, murmuring how he loved me, how gorgeous I was, (I still hate to be called gorgeous!!), and then lots of long sloppy kisses. His breathing would get heavier and deeper and quicker, and he would start moving up the bed onto his haunches, all the while murmuring sweet words in my ear, with his face smothering mine with saliva, and then he would whisper in my ear “Suck Daddy’s big thumb!”. Immediately something huge was in my mouth, and I shall not go on – I’m sure the reader will know exactly what I am talking about.

I had no name for this, but it was oral sex, and it always made me vomit. Dad would tell my mother in the morning that he had been right…..that I must have been unwell because I had brought up my tea. (Mother was always grateful to my father for “attending” to me during the night, which meant she had been able to have a good night’s sleep, undisturbed by a sick child.)

After he had gone back to bed on those nights my stomach churned and my head pounded…the very beginnings of migraines from which I have suffered all my life. A pattern developed from this and I also became unable to sleep. My migraines still affect me but I believe they and insomnia are a direct result of being my Dad’s “Sunbeam”.

What was also extremely frightening for me was that at Sunday School we sang “Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam”. How I hated that song! The implications of that chorus were enormous because I wrongly assumed that Jesus might abuse me in the night too!

I have had huge obstacles coming to terms with the abuse I suffered as a child and for years I blamed God for not protecting me.However through gentle and continuing medical intervention and counseling by two very special ministers I have realized that my father had chosen to disobey God. Because all of us have been given free choice, God usually allows the consequences of people’s choices to also follow. It is a law of nature – the law of natural consequences. It is not God’s fault that people abuse their right to free choice.

Now I have a secret plan. Whilst I am experiencing a migraine, I affirm God’s “nicknames” ….. he is Love, Faithful, Kind, Tenderhearted, the Lifter of my Head, etc. The name I love best is Emmanuel which means “God is with Us”, and I became aware of God right there in bed with me, present right then, and I know God is as upset with the pain (and the cause) as I am, for it is something which was never meant to happen. It was planned, deliberate, cold-blooded sexual abuse; the free choice of a damaged person.

PRAYER: Lord, I choose to affirm you as good, and you would never set out to injure me or cause me pain. I am convinced that eventually good will overcome evil and I am clinging to what I know already about your personality, whilst trying also to learn more and more names of you which describe your truly caring nature.Amen.

TODAY: Begin with a list of names of God you know, and endeavor to learn the countless character qualities which describe this almighty person. Add to this list as you become more aware of your creator’s wonderful, caring and supportive character. You’ll be amazed at what you discover! When you read your Bible, underline the many names of God mentioned in the Old Testament. Many are Hebrew words. Study the footnotes at the bottom of the page to discover what they mean in your language. These names describe the awesome nature of an immeasurably good God who never schemes or plots to harm, but loves mankind enough to allow each of us free choice. What an awesome responsibility we each have to choose well and wisely. Make your choices wisely today.