Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
    Not a user was using ...  not even a mouse;
The programs were hung from the bugs in their code,
    In hopes that a guru would soon cure their woes;
The data were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While versions of software danced in their heads;
The boss dimmed the lights as I locked up my desk,
    A couple days off and a well-deserved rest;
Then all of a sudden there came such a clatter,
    I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the processor I flew like a flash,
    What a terrible sound .. like a massive headcrash;
The lights they were blinking and beaming aglow,
    The hardcopy printout said "Let service know!";
When what to my wandering eyes should appear,
    On a silicon wafer ... a field engineer;
A little device driver, so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment it must be St. Chip!
More rapid than Macro, his cursor insane,
    He whistled and shouted like a video game.

Now, Pascal!  Now, Basic!, Now, Fortran and Cobol!
    On RPG!  On PL/1, On Dibol and Snobol!

To the top of the registers, the bottom of core!
    Run diagnostics and see what they store!
As memory leaves when electricity flies,
    The 'Rep' cracked a smile and loosened his tie;
He was chubby and plump, said the place was a wreck,
    And I laughed when I saw him (in spite of high tech).
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
    Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He was dressed from his head to his feet in a suit,
    His briefcase was heavy with tools to re-boot.

With bundles of bits bulging out of his slacks,
    He looked like a pro 'bout to fix a blown pack.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    Reseated PC boards, then turned with a smirk;
Hit return with his finger and said "Here it goes,"
    And giving a nod, into the CRT he dove.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere leaving the site,
    "Restore the data, and all will be right!"

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

   Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
   From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
    I'm happy -- although
    My boss let me go --
   Happily addicted to the Web.

   All night long, I sit clicking,
   Unaware time is ticking,
    There's beard on my cheek,
    Same clothes for a week,
   Happily addicted to the Web!

   Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
   Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
   With a listless shrug, I mutter; I say "No, man;
   I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"

   I don't phone, don't send faxes,
   Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
    Who cares if someday
    They drag me away?
   I'm happily addicted to the Web!

   Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)

I saw this on another newsgroup and thought fellow animal-lovers/admirers might like it:

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

'And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonely here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

'And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

'And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

'And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

'And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

'And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

'After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

'And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

'And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

'And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

'And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

'And Cat did not care one way or the other.'

Alan -- Alan Zanker | e-mail: Leeds | England