Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is something about
this respected profession that commands our disrespect. One must always
be careful about offending lawyers, of course, because you wouldn’t want
to face one in court. Or would you?

Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in
the court room. Perhaps they ain’t so bright after all….

1. "Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you
check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did
you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So,
then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so
sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been
alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law somewhere."

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in
the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that
true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing
at that time?"

11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A:
"Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A:
"None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the
basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs,
did they go up also?"

13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
honeymoon, didn’t you?"
A: "I went to Europe,
Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who’s death was it
terminated?"

15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A:
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was
this a male, or a female?"

16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No,
this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead
people."

18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No,
he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

20. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."

The Original Email Joke of the Day! http://www.joker.org/

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