The Original Joke of the Day
‘Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would
fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had
gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the
store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and
beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d
never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to
do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a
man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
“Till all the
additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long
celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot
and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what
January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a
good diet!
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- Humo[u]r (corny :-)
- Creative words (this list is not for wowsers…)
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