John Mark Ministries

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Humor

Bloopers

By Rowland Croucher and others ⋅ January 5, 2003 ⋅ Post a comment

Hope you all enjoy these they’re quite funny. =) God bless you all!!

Actual Church Bullitins

1. Don’t let worry kill you – Let the church help.

2. Thursday night—potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer,
the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church.
Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will
please come early.

8. Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me
In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9. Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing
to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on
the altar.

11. The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies
will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new
carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a
piece of paper.

13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen
in the church basement Friday.

14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.

15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

and some more :-

1. "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children."

2. "Ushers will eat latecomers."

3. "The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done."

4. "The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning."

5. "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."

6. "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 PM. Please use
the back door."

7. "Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary."

8. "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment."

9. "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience."

10. "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing,
‘Break Forth Into Joy.’"

11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.

The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience’."

12. "Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be
discontinued until further notice."

13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side
entrance."

14. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church
basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

15. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

16. "Today’s Sermon: ‘How Much Can a Man Drink?’ with hymns from a
full choir."

17. On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: "God is good – Dr.
Hargreaves is better."

18. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who
are not afflicted with any church."

19. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

20. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join
the choir."